Twilight: The Musical
by whitnibble
Summary: Edward's rapping? Bella's singing Hannah Montana? Emmett's protecting his barney? Leah's got the pack on leashes? It's all Aro's fault of course. Him and that dang potion.
1. Aro's Brilliant Idea

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Or the first line of this.**

Aro started to laugh. "Ha, ha, ha!" he chuckled. "I've done it!"

"Done what?" asked Felix.

"I've created a potion that will force people/vampires/werewolves to spontaneously burst into song! Now I just need a test subject!" he cried, eyeing Jane.

"That's fantastic Aro!" said Jane with fake enthusiasm. "Why don't you go show it to Carlisle?"

"Good idea!" he cried happily. "Carlisle will respect my genius." With that he bought a plane ticket and headed for Forks.

"Good thinking Jane!" said Alec. "You've protected us from the wrath of Aro!"

"Yes!" cried Felix. "I think this calls for a party!"

"Oooh! Oooh! I want a fat tourist!" said Demetri. And with that, everyone jumped Felix with their orders.

**Meanwhile in Forks…**

"Aro!" cried Emmett when he answered the door.

"No, Emmett, this is Bella."

"Oh dang," Emmett said disappointed. "Aro's more fun."

"I'm plenty fun!" said Bella in disappointment., but Emmett had already slammed the door in her face. The doorbell rang and Emmett shouted to the closed door, "Go away! No one likes you Bella!"

"It's Aro!"

"LYKE OMC!" Emmett called happily and flung the door open. "Aro! Slumber Party!"

"YOU KNOW IT BIATCH!" Aro said, snapping his fingers in a Z formation. "So what's up girlfriend?"

"The usual." Emmett said with a shrug. "Nothing interesting ever happens around here. Accept for the occasional vampire that wants to kill Bella, but you know. Edward always has dibbs on those."

"Well I've got something that will blow your socks off!"

"LYKE OMC! I'm not even wearing socks! So what is it?"

"Well why don't you drink some and find out?"

"HMMMM….What's the fun if only I drink some?"

"You're right." said Aro, thinking deeply.

"I know! We can put it in the vents and get in everyone's lungs and stuff."

"Good idea! And we should let the werewolves have some too."

"Well they're easier. They'll eat anything."

So Aro and Emmett went on to put the potion in the vents and then snuck extra sneaky over La Push.

**Outside of Emily's House…**

"So here's the plan." said Emmett, putting war paint on. "I'll run up to the doorbell, ring it, and run for my life, and then you will sneak in extra sneaky and put the potion in the pies that that one wolf girl bakes."

"Okay." said Aro. He put a hand on Emmett's shoulder. "Be safe brave warrior."

And with that, Emmett ran to the doorbell, took a deep breath, rang it, and then ran away screaming like a schoolgirl.

Aro crept into the house very sneaky like, and froze over the pies in the kitchen.

"Umm...who are you?" asked one of the people at the table.

Nobody had come running after Emmett. "Ummmm…I'm a salesperson!" cried Aro, pulling out fake mustache and putting in on with vampire fastness.

"Oh…" everyone said in unison.

"What are you doing with my pies?" asked Emily suspiciously.

"This is a secret recipe that will make your pies delicious." he explained. "Ima put it in your pies and you will see how delicious they are!" And with that he put a drop in each pie and then gave one to every person.

"This is delicious!" cried Quil.

"Amazing!" agreed Embry.

"Fantabulous!" Paul said.

"Leah, why aren't you eating yours?" asked Emily, sounding worried.

"ARE YOU STUPID?" asked Leah. "AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO REALIZES THIS GUY REEKS OF VAMPIRE? Or that your not supposed to eat things from strangers?"

Realizing that his cover would be blown any second, he cried, "TOO BAD, EAT IT GIRLIE!" and shoved the pie in her face. Then he ran out, screaming like an Emmett.

"It actually was really good," said Leah, after cleaning her face off.

"I think I'll bring some to Charlie and Bella!" said Jacob, taking a pie and then running for Bella's House. Nobody noticed Aro, laughing manically outside the house.


	2. Oh It's On!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight sniff or Hannah Montana (which is good for her, shes free of the torture i had planned) or anything else i referance.**

**oh! and btw, im going to let you decide who wins aro's contest! so after you read each chapter, if you could please review and rate the performance from 1-10 (1 being worst 10 being best) and i will average out all the numbers in the end. thanks! and now, on with the show!**

**song: One In A Million- Hannah Montana**

**Back at the Cullen's House…**

The Cullen's were sitting in front of the television, watching on of those Japanese game shows, enjoying their afternoon free of Bella, when the doorbell rang.

"The Doorbell!" exclaimed Edward, walking to the door and opening it. Bella ran in, and jumped on the table.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" moaned Rosalie, sinking to the floor.

"Bella," asked Edward patiently. "Why are you on our table?"

Bella took Edward's hands in hers while the background music started.

"Wait," said Carlisle, confused, "where's the music coming from?"

Alice was cracking up, already having seen what was about to happen.

"How did I get here/ I turned around/And there you were/I didn't think twice/Or rationalize/ Cuz somehow I knew/ That there was more than just chemistry/ I mean I knew you were kind of into me/ But I figured it's/ Too good to be true…" sang Bella.

"But wait!" Jasper said. "Where's the music coming from?"

"OMC!" cried Emmett. "I LOVE THIS SONG!"

"Somebody get her off my table!" wailed Esme.

Rosalie was still unconscious. But it was too late, for Bella had started singing again!

"I said pinch me where's the catch this time/ Can't find a single cloud in the sky/ Help me before I get used to this guy/They say that good things take time/ But really great things happen in the blink of an eye/ Thought the chances to meet somebody like you

Were a million to one/ I can't believe it/ You're one in a million."

Alice was still laughing. Edward looked into Bella's eyes and smiled. **(a/n: AWWW!) **Jasper was smiling too, from all the love in the room.

"All this time I was looking for love/ Trying to make things work/ They weren't good enough/ Till I thought I'm through/ Said I'm done/ Then stumbled into the arms on the one/ You're making me laugh/ About the silliest stuff/ Say that I'm your diamond in the rough/ When I'm mad at you, you come with your velvet touch/ Can't believe that I'm so lucky/ I have never felt so happy/ Every time I see that sparkle in your eyes/ They say that good things take time/ But really great things happen in the blink of an eye/ Thought the chances to meet somebody like you/ Were a million to one/ I can't believe it/ You're one in a million/ Yeah Yeah/ All this time I was looking for love/ Trying to make things work/They weren't good enough/Till I thought I'm through/ Said I'm done/Then stumbled into the arms on the one-"

At this point Aro burst thought the door and cried, "Is it working?" and screamed with delight when he saw Bella and Edward.

"ARO!" everyone screamed, except Rosalie (who was still unconscious), Edward (who was listening to Bella), Alice (who was still cracking up), and Emmett (who already knew Aro was here.) So pretty much just Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme cried.

"Shut up!" roared Emmett. "I'M TRYING TO LISTEN!" he wiped an imaginary tear from his cheek. "It's so beautiful…"

"I said pinch me, Where's the catch this time/ Can't find a single cloud in the sky/ Help me before I get used to this guy/ They say that good things take time/ But really great things happen in the blink of an eye/ Thought the chances to meet somebody like you/ Were a million to one/ I can't believe it/ Whoa Yeah Yeah/ They say that good things take time/ But really great things happen in the blink of an eye/ Thought the chances to meet somebody like you/ Were a million to one/ I can't believe it/ You're one in a million/

Yeah/ You're one in million/ Yeah/ You're one in a million!"

Edward, Emmett, and Aro started clapping. "That was wonderful!" called Aro.

"Whoa." said Bella. "I came over here to see if I could borrow a cup of milk. What happened?"

"You started singing Hannah Montana." said Alice helpfully.

"Yes but why?" she asked, glaring at Jasper.

"Don't look at me." said Jasper. "The real question here is why you came to a house of bloodsucking vampires for a cup of milk."

"HA, HA, HA!" laughed Aro. "They still haven't realized that I stole Bella's milk and then brain washed her to come to the Cullen's and get milk! And that I've placed a potion that makes them burst spontaneously into song in the vents!"

"Umm…" said Esme. "You kinda just told us."

"GASP!" gasped Aro. "YOU TRICKED ME!"

"No." said Edward. "You just randomly told us."

"Oh." said Aro. "Oh well, same difference."

"So how do we undo the effects?" asked Bella, blushing.

"Like Ima tell you." said Aro, sticking his tongue out.

"Aro." said Carlisle. "Let's discuss this like grown men."

"Yes! Carlisle, I know how you love musicals."

"You like musicals?" asked the Cullens.

"Well yes." said Carlisle. "They are quite tasteful."

"And your family doesn't always get along the best. So why not let the music fix there problems? You've seen Rent. Remember the Tango: Maureen?"

"That's is an excellent idea." said Carlisle. "It'll be like family therapy!"

"YAY!" cheered Alice and Emmett. "KAREOKE PARTY!"

"But Carlisle," said Rosalie, who wasn't unconscious anymore, "you can't make us burst randomly into song for the rest of our lives!"

"Hmmmm." Aro pondered. "How about this? We'll have a contest. The person, vampire, or werewolf I think uses the music the most to his advantage will be told how to undo the affects."

"Werewolf?" asked Jasper.

"Why yes!" said Aro. "You didn't think I'd let the us have all the fun did you?"

"Oh it's on!" said Rosalie. "IT'S ON."


	3. Leah of the Leashes

**yay! the chapters are getting longer! this one is my favorite so far. i love making leah something other than the biatch cuz shes one of my favorite characters.**

**song: Amazed by Vanessa Hudgens Ft. Lil Mama**

**Back In La Push…**

"These are some seriously good pies Emily."

"I know!" said Emily happily. "Next time that sales man comes here I'll need to buy some of that stuff."

"Emily," said Sam lovingly, "You don't need stuff from a strange sales person to make good pies. Everything about you is perfect."

Leah and Jacob (who was back now from going to Bella's) both ran up to the bathroom and started vomiting over all the love and happiness.

All of a sudden, background music started playing in the background.

"OMC!" screamed Embry. "THERES BACKGROUND MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND!"

"Omc?" asked Jared. "Dude, only fan girls and vampires say that."

"Get with the times Jared!" said Embry. "That's what cool people say."

But there argument was interrupted by Emily, who started singing.

"When I'm all broke down heading for disaster and/ I'm spinning round trying to find a clue/ And my head of searching for the answer/ Can't figure out how I'm gonna get through the next ten minutes…"

"Emily," said Seth in confusion. "Why are you singing?"

But she continued singing to Sam and ignored him.

" Baby I'm amazed what feel for you/ Baby I'm amazed what your faith can do/ Baby I'm amazed where you take me to/ Don't you know (oh)/ Baby I'm amazed what feel for you/ Baby I'm amazed what your faith can do/ Baby I'm amazed where you take me to/ Don't you know (oh)…"

Leah, who had come back down and was now letting Jacob use the toilet, got sick again at the chorus. "MOVE OVER JACOB!"

" When I'm all burnt down need a place to run to/ No one hears me shout lost and all alone/ And I'm losing ground no one understands me/ Can't figure out what I'm gonna do cuz I just can't take it/ Baby I'm amazed what feel for you/ Baby I'm amazed what your faith can do/ Baby I'm amazed where you take me to/ Don't you know (oh)/ Baby I'm amazed what I feel for you/ Baby I'm amazed what your faith can do/ Baby I'm amazed where you take me to/ Don't you know (oh)…"

All of a sudden, Kim (who was either there or came crashing through the door after jumping Jacob and stealing some of Bella's pie, you decide) cut in, " Yeah/ Lil Mama/ Let's Go/ If I could think of you and smile/ Ask you could you stay a while/ Even if you gotta go/ Chase your dough/ That's for sure/ It's my love you're raising/ With my heart you praising/ Passion, if you staying ain't that amazing/ They be calling it a phase/ We gonna keep phasing/ Some don't wanna play the game/ So they keep acing/ That's a loser/ see me, Ima keep chasing/ Chasing this dough…" and by the end of that Jared was smiling like an idiot just like Sam.

Then Emily took over again, "Baby I'm amazed what feel for you/ Baby I'm amazed what your faith can do/ Baby I'm amazed where you take me to/ Don't you know (oh)/ Baby I'm amazed what feel for you/ Baby I'm amazed what your faith can do/ Baby I'm amazed where you take me to/ Don't you know (oh)…"

Coming back down, Jacob and Leah paused in the doorway. "Is it over?" asked Jacob.

"Yeah." said Brady. "There's no more music."

"Well boy," said Collin, "That was random."

"THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!" roared Sam. "Emily sings like an angel!"

"Oh god," moaned Leah, "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Okay, we'll stop." said Jared. "For Jacob of course."

"Of course." Leah repeated, rolling her eyes.

"Now does anyone know where that mysterious music came from?" asked Embry.

"IT'S A PIPEBOMB!" screamed Seth.

"YAY!" cheered the werewolves.

"NO ITS NOT FOOLS!" screamed Aro, bursting into the house still wearing his mustache.

"It's a bird!" said Sam.

"No, it's a plane!" argued Jared.

"No, you idiots, its that weird sales person guy." said Leah.

'WRONG AGAIN!" screamed Aro, ripping off his mustache, "IT IS I, ARO THE VAMPI-"

At which all the werewolves jumped him and beat him up.

"NO!" he screamed protecting his face. "DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA!"

"WTF?" asked Kim, using IM speak.

"YEA, what you talkin' bout Willis?" asked Emily.

"Get your men off me!" screamed Aro. "Then I'll explain! JANE! JANE! WHERE ARE YOU? PROTECT YOUR MASTER!"

**Back With the Volturi…**

"My Aro senses are tingling!" cried Jane, looking up from the male model she was devouring.

"Should we do something?" asked Felix.

"Nah," said Jane, going back to her meal.

**Back At La Push…**

"Bad Sam!" said Emily. "Heel!"

"Down Jared! Who's a good boy? You are, yes you are!" said Kim.

Leah rolled her eyes and grabbed a spray bottle. She spritzed them all and cried, "BACK YOU STUPID DOGS!"

Finally, Aro got up and checked himself for damage. "Thank goodness you all forgot to phase," said Aro in relief.

"Oh yea…" said the pack. (a/n: Most of the time when I refer to the pack, Leah is excluded. I need her to be the voice of reason XD)

"Idiots." sighed Leah.

"Anyhow," Aro explained, "that 'secret ingredient' I put in your pies was actually a potion I invented. It will force you to burst into song spontaneously!"

"GET HIM!" screamed Sam, lunging. Aro screamed like an Emmett and ducked for cover.

"That was a really good idea Leah, putting them all on leashes like that." said Emily happily.

"WHAT?" screamed Jacob. "WHERE'D THIS LEASH COME FROM!?"

Leah sighed. "And how do we get rid of the potion?"

"Like I'd tell you." said Aro. "You're just a girl."

"A girl WEREWOLF who happens to be holding the leashes to a pack of werewolves." she reminded him.

Aro paled, well, paled as much as a vampire can, and fell to his knees and bowed down. "IM AT YOUR MERCY O BEARER OF THE LEASHES!"

She smiled. "You know, the rest of you could learn a thing or two from him."

The pack grumbled. "SILENCE!" she screamed. "Now tell us what to do."

"Well actually," Aro said nervously, eyeing the leashes, "I can't do that."

"Why not?" asked Kim.

"Because," he explained, "You're in a contest with the Cullens. And I will tell the winner, who will be the person I think uses the music the most to his…" he eyed Leah of the Leashes (his name of worship for her) and continued, "or her advantage, how to reverse the potion."

"Fine." she said. "And what if none of us sing?"

"You can't help it!" he said happily. "YOU'LL JUST BURST INTO SONG, WHETHER YOU KNOW IT OR NOT! That's the beauty of it."

Leah was growling again, and letting the leashes slip a bit so he quickly added "Oh, and btw, your up against the Cullens. And maybe some other humans. PEACE!" And he ran out screaming for the second time that day.


	4. Team Rockets Blasting Off Again

**since i didn't put a disclaimer on the last chapter:**

**disclaimer: im not stephenie meyer, even though we were born on the same day, and i dont own potter puppet pals, vanessa hudgens, IM speak, gary coleman, or anything else i parodied. i aslo dont own miley cyrus, team rocket, the jonas brothers (psh i wish), barney, or anything else i mentioned in this chapter.**

**Back With the Cullens…**

"I can't believe Carlisle is actually making us do this." Rosalie whined to her reflection.

"I think it's fun!" squealed Alice. "It's a great idea."

"I DON'T LISTEN TO MILEY CYRUS!" screamed Bella anxiously. "IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE!"

"I'm sure it was." said Alice kindly.

"REALLY! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A SHOW CALLED HANNAH MONTANA!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Rosalie. "YOU'RE MAKING IT HARD TO THINK!"

Bella sniffed. "I don't listen to Miley."

"Okay."

"We get it."

**Back in Emmett's Room…**

"Jasper!" screamed Emmett into the phone.

"What? What Emmett? What could possibly drive you to call me when my room is right next door?" Jasper shouted back. He sounded grumpy.

"Aww…was someone cutting themself?" asked Emmett kindly.

"I'M NOT EMO!" Jasper screamed.

"Prove it!" challenged Emmett. "The girls are doing makeovers in Rosalie's Room. Go burst in on them."

Jasper sighed. "How is that supposed to prove I'm not emo?"

"Just do it!" Emmett shouted before hanging up the phone. "How was that Aro?" he asked.

Aro smiled evilly. "Perfect. Here's your Barney Doll." he said, moving the knife away from the doll's throat and handing it back to Emmett. Then Aro jumped out the window and snuck around to look through Rosalie's window.

After Emmett was sure he was gone, he hugged Barney close. "Don't worry Barney, the mean man will never get you again."

**Back in Rosalie's Room…**

Jasper burst into the room, determined to prove he wasn't emo. The second he set eyes on Alice, the background music started.

"Oh NO!" screamed Rosalie. "NOT AGAIN!" only this time she didn't faint.

Jasper cleared his throat, and started singing to Alice. "I'm hot/ Your cold/ You go around/ Like you know/ Who I am/ But you don't/ You've got me on my toes…"

Emmett burst into the room next (Barney doll safely hidden from Aro's wrath) and sang to Rosalie, "I'm slipping into the lava/ And I'm trying to keep from going under/ Baby you turn the temperature hotter/ Cause I'm Burnin up/ Burnin up for you baby…"

(a/n: I'm switching formats, just for the song, cuz its kinda almost a duet.)

Jasper: Come on girl/ I fell

Emmett: (I fell)

Jasper: So fast

Emmett: (So fast)

Jasper: Can't hold myself/ back/ High heels

Emmett: (High heels)

Jasper: Red dress

Emmett: (Red dress)

Jasper: All by yourself/ Gotta catch my breath

Emmett: I'm slipping into the lava/ And I'm trying to keep from going under/ Baby you turn the temperature hotter/ Cause I'm Burnin up/ Burnin up for you baby/ I walk in the room/ All I see is you/ Starring me down/ Know you feel it to/ I'm slipping into the lava/ And I'm trying to keep from going under/ Baby you turn the temperature hotter/ Cause I'm Burnin up/ Burnin up for you baby/ I'm slipping into the lava/ And I'm trying to keep from going under/ Baby you turn the temperature hotter/ Cause I'm Burnin up/ Burnin up for you baby

Suddenly, Edward burst into the room too and joined in, singing to Bella and also just rapping for his brothers cuz he's pimp like that.

Edward: Burnin up in the place to night/ Brothers sing it loud

Jasper and Emmett: (And the feelings right)

Edward: Get up and dance

Jasper and Edward: (Don't try to fight it)

Edward: Big Rob for real

Jasper and Emmett: (And that's no lie)

Edward: Stop drop and roll and

Jasper and Emmett: (touch the floor to keep from burning up more and more)

Edward: I got JB with me

Jasper and Emmett: (We're laying it down)

Edward: Come on boys/ Lets bring the chorus around

Emmett: I'm slipping into the lava

Edward: (Burnin up burnin up)

Emmett: And I'm trying to keep from going under

Edward: (Yeah)

Emmett: Baby you turn the temperature hotter

Edward: (yeah come on Nick)

Emmett: Cause I'm Burnin up/ Burnin up for you baby/ Burning up/ Burning up/ For you baby.

(a/n: okay, back to the regular format.)

"Phew!" said Rosalie. "Thank goodness that's over."

"You didn't like our song?" pouted Emmett.

"I did!" Rosalie said. "It's just, you sounded like a boy band, and Edward rapping was just plain weird."

"HEY!" shouted Edward.

"No, she's right." said Bella. "Please don't do it again."

"Okay, but only for you." said Edward with a smile.

"Jasper!" squealed Alice. "YOUR THO THWEET!"

"Hey!" shouted Bella. "Edward and Emmett joined in too."

"Yes but they didn't start the song did they?" Alice squealed, hugging Jasper. "NO I DIDN'T THINK SO BIATCH!" and she snapped her fingers in a Z formation.

"Well Emmett, I told you I wasn't emo." said Jasper with a smirk.

"Oh I don't think you're emo Jasper." said Emmett. "Aro told me to say that or he was going to hurt Barney."

"Barney?" everyone asked.

"Ummm…I mean….he was gonna hurt Rosalie."

Bella screamed. "OMC! A PEEPING TOM!" she pointed out the window and everyone ran to the window.

"WHO IS IT!?" roared Edward.

There was a cough, and then a high squeaky voice said, "Ummm…It's Mike Newton."

"Oh okay then." shouted down Bella.

Rosalie gave Edward an "Are you kidding me?" look. "ARO WE KNOW ITS YOU!" she screamed down.

"CURSES!" he screamed. "FOILED AGAIN! Well not really, since I got to hear you guys sing."

"THERE HE IS!" screamed Leah from down below. "SICK HIM BOYS!"

There was a girly scream and then, "TEAM ROCKETS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"

"Pie?" asked Alice after Aro was gone.

"Yeah." said Bella. "I could go for some pie right now."

**a/n: i really didn't like this chapter. i did like the end but...i dunno. not my best work. **


	5. Battle of the Drama Queens

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sea World, or Shamu, or Hairspray, the wizard of Oz, the mall, or most importantly of all...twilight.**

**songs used this chapter: Mama I'm A Big Girl Now- Hairspray**

**songs used last chapter: Burnin Up- Jonas Brothers**

**The Next Day at the Cullen's:**

"So Alice." said Bella. "I just got these tickets for Sea World in the mail."

"SWEET!" said Alice. "Just like the blubber of a killer whale!"

"What?" said Bella sadly. "You'd kill Shamu?"

"No!" laughed Alice nervously. "I said let invite Rosalie…who's lover is a killer whale."

"Oh, okay!" said Bella. "Then maybe she'll like me!"

"Yes." said Alice. "But in the meantime, TO THE MALL! FOR A SEA WROLD OUTFIT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" moaned Bella, being dragged to Alice's Porsche. "WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!"

**The Next Day at Bella's House:**

"Mom!" whined Bella into the phone. "Why won't you let me go to Sea World with Alice and Rosalie?"

"But Shamu's only killed a few people!" whined Rosalie into her cell phone to Esme.

"Yeah!" agreed Alice. "And we've only killed a few people too!"

And then everyone knows what comes next: the background music in the background!

Renee: Don't contradict me!

Esme: Don't disobey me!

"OMC!" screamed Alice. "I have no one to sing to!" so with lightning speed, so fast that not even a beat passed by, she burst into the Clearwater's house and ran up to Sue. Sue was a large fan of Hairspray, and had heard the background music, and knew just what to do.

Sue: Don't even think about going to that audition.

Alice, Bella, and Rosalie: Please!

Moms: No!

Girls: Mother!

Moms: Stop!

Alice: Stop telling me what to do

Moms: Don't!

Rosalie: Don't treat me like a child of two

Moms: No!

Bella: I know that you want what's best

Moms: Please!

Bella: But mother, please

Girls: Give it a rest!

All: Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Mama. I'm a big girl now!/

Bella: Once upon a time when I was just a kid/ You never let me do just what the older kids did/ But lose that laundry list of what you won't allow/ Girls: Cause mama, I'm a big girl now

Rosalie: Once upon a time I used to play with toys/ But now I'd rather play around with teenage boys/ So, if i get a hickey, please don't have a cow/ Girls: Cause mama, I'm a big girl now

Alice: Ma, I gotta tell you that without a doubt/ I get my best dancing lessons from you/ You're the one who taught me how to "twist and shout"/ Because you shout non-stop/ And you're so twisted too/ Whoa/

Bella: Once i used to fidget/ 'Cause I just sat home/ Rosalie: :But now I'm just like Gidget/ And i gotta get to Rome!/ Alice: So say, arrivederci! Bella: Toodle-loo! Rosalie: And ciao! Girls: 'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now

All: Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Stop! Don't! No! Please!/

Girls: Mama, I'm a big girl now (Hey mama, Say mama)

Bella: Once upon a time I was a shy young thing/ Could barely walk and talk so much as dance and sing/ But let me hit that stage, I wanna take my bow/

Girls: Cause mama, I'm a big girl now

Rosalie: Whoa/ Once upon a time I used to dress up Ken/ But now that I'm a woman, I like bigger men/ And I don't need a Barbie doll to show me how/

Girls: Cause mama, I'm a big girl now

Girls: Ma, you always taught me/ What was right from wrong/ And now I just wanna give it a try/ Mama, I've been in the nest for far too long/ So please give a push and mama watch me fly

Rosalie: Watch me fly Girls: Hey, mama, say mama

Alice: Someday I will meet a man/ You won't condemn

Rosalie: And we will have some kids/ And you can torture them

Bella: But let me be a star/ Before I take that vow

Girls: Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

Alice: Oh - Oh - Oh

Girls: Mama, I'm a big girl now

Rosalie: Hey - Hey - Hey

Girls: Mama, I'm a big girl

Rosalie: Ooh, such a big, big girl!

Girls: I'm a big girl now

All: Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Stop! Don't! No! Please!/ Stop! Don't! No! please!/ Girls: Mama, I'm a big girl now!

**Over at the Clearwater's…**

"Hey Mom," said Leah, bursting into the kitchen. "I heard the background music and I- LE GASP!"

"This isn't what it looks like sweetie!" said Sue, looking nervous.

"It looks like you're singing show tunes with Alice, when you won't sing them with me, your own flesh and blood!"

"I CAN EXPLAIN!"

"There's no need to explain!" cried Leah dramatically. "I've never been your favorite child! I should just do away with my self and do the world a favor!" and she sunk to the floor dramatically.

Alice turned to Sue. "Is she always this dramatic?"

Sue sighed. "Yes. She's my little drama queen."

"WHAT?" screamed Aro, bursting into the kitchen.

"This isn't what it looks like!" cried Sue again.

"I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR LITTLE DRAMA QUEEN!"

"Whoa Mom," said Seth, walking in like a normal person, "You gots some 'splainin to do!"

"Wait," said Sue. "I don't even know you."

"It is I!" screamed Aro. "ARO THE MAGNIFICENT!"

"Sounds like a name for a tacky magician." noted Alice.

"Sounds like someone is trying to figure out that I gave Bella Sea World tickets and changed all the songs on her ipod to Hairspray!" replied Aro.

"WHAT?" asked Leah, getting up from the floor. "You're the reason my mom was singing show tunes with a bloodsucker?"

"SPARE ME LEAH OF THE LEASHES!" screamed Aro, flinching. "And no, that little drama was an unexpected extra."

Leah twitched her eye and turned to Seth. "AFTER HIM MUTT!"

"NO!" responded Seth. "FIGHT THE POWER!"

"Well okay then…" said Leah, and she turned to Alice. "AFTER HIM LEECH!"

"BARK BARK!" barked Alice, baring her teeth. And then she lunged at Aro.

"Whoa." said Seth. "Your powers work on vampires too!"

"I know," said Leah in awe. "I MUST USE THIS POWER FOR GOOD!"

"Radical!" said Seth. "Well I'm off the see our groovy wolf brothers. Peace."

Leah watched Alice beat up Aro and smiled. "Nah," she said. "Evil's more fun."


	6. Carlisle's Problem

**disclaimer: i dont own twilight, sadly, harry potter, bowling for soup, or scooby doo.**

**song used: 1985- Bowling For Soup**

**Back at the Cullen's…**

"So then I was like NUH UH and she was all like UH HUH and I was all like NUH UH and she was all UH HUH and I was like NUH UH BIZNATCH.." Alice told Carlisle.

"Sure," said Carlisle, "You know I'm not a therapist right Alice?"

"What?" said Alice shrilly. "EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!"

"Why don't you go tell Rosalie about this?" he responded kindly. "I'm sure she'd love to talk smack with you!"

"You're right!" Alice jumped off the couch and ran with awesome vampire speed to Rosalie's room. "Rosalie!"

"Alice!" Rosalie screamed. "MY HOMIE G GANGSTER SKILLET!"

"OMC!" Alice screamed. "WHATS HAPPININ GIRLFRIEND?"

"LIKE WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?"

"CUZ ITS FUNNER THAN TALKING LOUD!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Esme from down below. "GOD YOU CRAZY BIATCHES NEVER SHUT UP!"

"Alice," said Rosalie, quietly this time, "Do you think Esme has been kind of off lately?"

"Yeah," whispered Alice. "She's all depressed and angsty all the time. Kinda like Harry Potter." Alice thought about this for a second. "OMC SHE'S A WIZARD!"

"No." sighed Rosalie. "I think the best way to handle this is too talk to her, and be gentle and sensitive."

"YO!" screamed Jasper from next door, "ESME! YOUR FREAKIN EMONESS IS KILLING ME! SUCK IT UP LIKE A MAN!"

"Not how I would have handled it," sighed Rosalie. "But I suppose it gets the point across."

Carlisle ran up stairs with super vampire speed and burst into Rosalie's room. "Do you know what day it is?" he asked urgently.

"Leif Erikson Day?" asked Jasper, who had entered the room now.

"No." said Carlisle with a sigh. "Do you want to know why Esme has been so emo lately?"

Rosalie heard the background music and sighed. "Doesn't matter, you're going to sing it to us anyway aren't you?"

Carlisle took a deep breath and sang, "Debbie just hit the wall/ She never had it all/ One Prozac a day/ Husband's a CPA/ Her dreams went out the door/ When she turned 24/ Only been with one man/ What happened to her plan?/ She was gonna be an actress/ She was gonna be a star/ She was gonna shake her ass/ On the hood of White Snake's car/ Her yellow SUV is now the enemy/ Looks at her average life/ And nothing, has been/ All right since/ Springsteen, Madonna/ Way before Nirvana/ There was U2 and Blondie/ And music still on MTV/ Her two kids in high school/ They tell her that she's uncool/ But she's still preoccupied/ With 19, 19, 1985/"

"Wait," said Alice. "We were all around in 1985. Why don't I remember this?"

"She's seen all the classics/ She knows every line/ "Breakfast Club", "Pretty In Pink"/ Even "St. Elmo's Fire"/ She rocked out to Wham!/ Not a big Limp Bizkitz fan/ Thought she'd get a hand/ On a member of Duran Duran/ Where's mini-skirt made of snakeskin?/ And who's the other guy that's singing in Van Halen?/ When did reality become T.V.?/ What ever happened to sitcoms, game shows/ (On the radio was)/ Springsteen, Madonna/ Way before Nirvana/ There was U2 and Blondie/ And music still on MTV/ Her two kids in high school/ They tell her that she's uncool/ But she's still preoccupied/ With 19, 19, 1985!"

"But that doesn't make sense!" cried Rosalie, "Alice wore a snakeskin miniskirt just the other day!"

"She hates time, make it stop/ When did Motley Crue become classic rock?/ And when did Ozzy become an actor?/ Please make this stop, stop, STOP/ (And bring back)/ Springsteen, Madonna/ Way before Nirvana/ There was U2 and Blondie/ And music still on MTV/ Her two kids in high school/ They tell her that she's uncool/ But she's still preoccupied/ With 1985/"

"No one calls her uncool!" said Jasper.

"Springsteen, Madonna/ Way before Nirvana (1985)/ There was U2 and Blondie/And music still on MTV (1985)/ Her two kids in high school/ They tell her that she's uncool (1985)/ But she's still preoccupied/ With 19, 19, 1985!"

"Carlisle!" screamed Esme, running upstairs and looking angry. "This has nothing to do with the 80s!"

"Then what is it Esme?" asked Jasper.

"IT HAS TO DO WITH THE FACT SOMEONE WROTE ARO THE MAGNIFICENT WAS HERE ALL OVER MY WINDOWS IN PURPLE SHARPIE!" Esme fell on the ground and started to weep non- existent tears. "And I can't figure out who."

"Well Carlisle," said Alice. "Your plan has been unraveled."

"I'm sorry!" and he broke down and stated weeping with Esme. "Its just everyone else has had a chance to burst into song except me!" he started beating the ground with his fists. "IT WAS MY TURN!"

"Oh Carlisle." said Rosalie with a roll of her eyes. "Don't you know anything? Music isn't something you can force. It comes from your soul."

Edward burst into the room at that moment and wailed, "We don't have souls! We're Vampires!" he joined Esme and Carlisle in there non- existent weeping. "I'M GOING TO ASK THE VOLTURI TO KILL ME AGAIN!"

"Did someone say Volturi?" screamed Aro, crashing through the window.

"It's Aro!" everyone said in alarm.

"NO FEAR GOOD CITIZENS OF CULLEN LAND, ARO IS HERE!" and he struck a heroic pose.

"OMC RUN! QUICK! BEFORE HE TELLS YOU ANOTHER JOKE!" all the Cullens were scrambling around in panic, except Jasper, who had crawled into a corner and assumed the fetal position.

"Hey now," said Aro. "I'm plenty funny!" The chaos continued. "Listen to this one, why was 6 afraid of 7?" he waited and when no one answered he continued, "Because 7, 8, 9! Get it? HA, HA, HA, THAT IS A KNEE SLAPPER!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Rosalie, falling to the floor and fainting again.

"MY EARS!" screamed Alice. "THEY BLEED!"

"THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN EDWARD WAS RAPPING!!" screamed Emmett, who had felt left out and snuck into the room when he heard the screaming.

"YEA- HEY!" screamed back Edward. "MY RAPPING WAS NOT THIS BAD!"

"Back to me and my problems!" wailed Carlisle. "See? Even Edward can rap!" and he started sobbing hysterically.

"Its ok Carlisle." said Aro, patting his friend on the back. "Ignore the haters. That's what I do."

"Does that really work?" sniffed Carlisle.

"Yes."

"NOOOOOOOO!" screamed Esme, jumping up from the floor, "DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM TO BE A FREE THINKER!"

"Yea!" agreed Alice, "You were caught red handed Carlisle!"

"DANG!" sighed Aro. "AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO, IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS!" he eyed Alice. "AND YOUR DOG!" and with that parting phrase he jumped out the window.

Alice turned to Carlisle. "And then I was all NUH UH and she was all UH HUH and I was all…"


	7. Werewolf Dance Party!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or All That. **

**songs used: I Don't Want To Be In Love- Good Charlotte**

**Back At Emily's House…**

Dear Leah, Jacob, Seth, Embry, Collin, Brady, and Paul,

I know I told you all to come here for an important wolf pack meting type thang (yeah I said thang and not think got a problem with that?) but Emily decided she wanted to go see Happy Rainbow Love Sunshine Princess the Sequel, and so we went. We were gonna invite you guys, but then we remembered how Leah and Jacob vomit at all signs of happiness so we decided not to. We did invite Quil and Claire and Jared and Kim, however, because we are imprint couples and hence we are happier than you. Listen to Jacob, since he's the beta, but if Leah breaks out the leashes listen to her because an unhappy Leah is a scary Leah. (I should know.) Have fun!

Love and Kisses, and also kibble,

Sam Uley

"Well this sucks!" said Seth. "I've been dieing to see Happy Rainbow Love Sunshine Princess the Sequel!" everyone stared at him. "What? Don't hate on your hippy brother dude. Chillax."

Grumbling, the whole pack headed to the forest.

"Hey guys!" said Jacob, trying to be cheerful, "Just cuz our friends ditched us to go see a movie doesn't mean we can't have fun!" he smiled at them all, but they still looked miserable. "Come one Leah! Smile! I'm like McDonald's, I love to see you smile."

But Leah kept on with her grumbling. "Grumble… Sam… Imprinting… Grumble…Painful Death…."

And then the music started.

"OMC!" screamed Embry. "There's background music in the background!" he looked around hopefully, and then sighed. "It's not as fun without Jared."

And then Jacob started singing to Leah. "She's going out to forget they were together/ All that time he was taking her for granted/ She wants to see if there's more/Than he gave she's looking for/"

"Yeah, that's right!" snapped Leah. "Poke the bear with a stick!"

"He calls her up/ He's trippin on the phone now/ He doesn't want her out there/And alone now/ He knows she's movin it/ Knows she's using it/ Now he's losing it/ She don't care/"

"OMC!" squealed Brady. "Is this the song I think it is?!"

"Everybody put up your hands/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feel the beat now/ If you've got nothing left/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Back it up now/ You've got a reason to live/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feelin' good now/ Don't be afraid to get down/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/"

"WEREWOLF DANCE PARTY!" screamed Seth. And everyone started dancing to the beat.

"He was always giving her attention/ Looking hard to find the things she mentioned/ He was dedicated/ But most suckers hate it/ That girl was fine/ But she didn't appreciate him/ She calls him up/ She's tripping on the phone now/ He had to get up/ And he ain't comin home now/ He's tryin to forget her/ That's how we come with him/ When he first met her/ When they first got together/"

"OMC!" squealed Collin, who was new to the whole pack thing, "HES SINGIN ABOUT BELLA HUH?? HUH??" he was ecstatic about his discovery, but everyone else was to busy dancing to answer him.

"Everybody put up your hands/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feel the beat now/ If you got nothing left/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Back it up now/ You got a reason to live/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feelin' good now/ Don't be afraid to get down/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ To the beat/ To the beat/ To the beat/ You got nothing to lose/ Don't be afraid to get down/"

Jacob smiled down at Leah, who surprisingly was not scowling for once, and continued singing, "We break up/ It's something that we do now/ Everyone has got to do it sometime/ It's okay, let it go/ Get out there and find someone/ It's too late to be trippin' on the phone here/ Get off the wire/ You know everything is good here/ Stop what you're doin'/ You don't wanna ruin/ The chance that you got to/ Find a new one/Everybody put up your hands/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feel the beat now/If you got nothing left/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Back it up now/ You got a reason to live/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ Feelin' good now/ Don't be afraid to get down/ Say I don't wanna be in love/ I don't wanna be in love/ No...No/"

"That was the most awesome werewolf dance party eva!" cheered Embry.

"Jacob, you are now officially the Dance Master of the Universe." agreed Seth.

"OH HELL NO!" came a voice from above. Aro fell out of a nearby tree, got up, and snapped his fingers in a Z formation. "I'M THE DANCE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!"

"Oh yea?" challenged Paul. "I bet Jacob could take you."

"DANCE OFF! DANCE OFF!" everyone cheered.

"BRING IT DOG!" snapped Aro.

"OH IT'S BRUNG LEECH!" snapped back Jacob.

**Back With the Volturi…**

"My Aro senses are tingling again!" shouted Jane randomly. "Someone's just challenged Aro to a dance-off!"

Heidi sighed. "When is he going to finally realize he can't dance?" she asked. "Poor Aro is probably about to get served."

"Should we help him?" asked Jane.

"Nah." said Heidi. "Maybe this will finally teach him.

**Back in La Push…**

"This has to be the lamest dance battle I've ever seen." said Leah.

"Yeah." agreed Embry. "Who woulda thunk it?" For some reason, Jacob and Aro had decided to settle their dance off hokey-pokey style. As they both attempted to out hokey pokey the other, Aro fell to the ground and started screaming.

"My hip!" he screamed, whilst clutching his heart, "OH THE PAIN!"

Jacob looked worried and leaned down to help him. "You okay old man?" Aro leaped up and grabbed his nose. "GOT YOUR CONK!" and he started laughing manically. "Ha, ha, ha!"

"WTF?" Jacob looked at the rest of the wolves and raised his eyebrows.

"IDK, my bff Jill?" responded Leah.

"You're not suggesting that I kidnapped the real Dance Master of the Universe, stole their uniform, and tied them up and stuffed them in that tree are you?" asked Aro.

Brady rushed over to the tree, and pulled an old white haired man out of the tree.

"GASP!" everyone gasped.

"That's him!" shouted the old man, pointing at Aro. "That's the crazy guy that jumped me and stuffed me in this tree."

"ALRIGHT!" shouted Aro. "Maybe I'm not the "Dance Master of the Universe". Maybe I am just a vampire named Aro. But if I was Dance Master of the Universe, I'D BE THE GREATEST DANCE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE IN ALL THE LAND!"

"Forget this!" screamed Leah. "AFTER HIM BOYS!"

But before the werewolves could catch him, he shouted, "I will now hop on my platypus and ride into the sunset." he started making chicken noises and walking like a cowboy until he reached the tree the old man had been pulled out of, and jumped in. Collin ran to the tree and looked in.

"He's gone!" he said in wonder.

Everyone looked at each other. "Dance Party?" asked Leah with a smile. And the music started again and everyone started dancing till 9 in the Afternoon (cuz that was Paul's bed time.)

* * *

a/n: This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful reviewers, who's reviews make me all warm and tingly inside. Want to be invited to their werewolf dance party? REVIEW!


	8. Emmett's Brilliant Idea

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Batman, or Spongebob.**

**Song Used: Genie In A Bottle- Christina Aguilera**

**Back at the Cullen's:**

"Rosalie!" screamed Emmett, bursting into her room, "I've been thinking!"

"OH GOD NOT AGAIN!" hollered Carlisle from downstairs.

"IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCOLYPSE!" shouted Jasper.

"Emmett," scolded Rosalie, "What have we told you about thinking?"

"But Rosalie!" pouted Emmett, "This time I've thought of something smurt!"

"Well let's hear it," she sighed, "so I can tell you not to do it."

"Well, Aro, and I put the potion that makes us burst into song in all the vents and stuff…"

"WHAT?" screeched Rosalie, "YOU DID THIS TO US?"

"BUT WAIT!" Emmett continued, "IT GETS BETTER! So yeah, the potions all in the vents and stuff, but Aro is always here. So I was thinking, since he hasn't burst into song, he must have a cure!"

"That is actually a good idea," said Rosalie in awe."

"IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCOLPYSE!" shouted Jasper again.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Alice from the same room, "YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH YOUR MACARONI SCULPTURE!"

Edward, who had heard Emmett's thoughts, burst into the room. "I heard everything!" said Edward, "and Ima call the werewolves so we could come up with a plan to steal the cure together." He pulled out his cell phone and pressed 1.

"A werewolf is your number 1?" asked Emmett in surprise.

"Well yeah," said Edward, "You've got to do bros before hoes, and if I put my family as my number one I look like I have no friends."

Rosalie shrugged. "Makes sense."

"YO SETH!" said Edward into the phone. "MY HOMIE G GANGSTER SKILLET!" there was a pause where Seth said something.

"No," said Edward, "We've got an idea on how to stop Aro."

There was a girly scream from Seth's end and then a loud THUD.

"Umm…yeah," said Edward. "See you soon. Bye Leah." and right as he hung up, Seth could be heard saying, "Not cool boo boo."

**Back With the Werewolves…**

"OKAY!" shouted Leah, "Everyone into the car!"

"Why?" asked Embry.

"Were gonna stop Aro!"

"AWWWWWWWWWW." moaned Seth. "Does this mean no more werewolf dance parties?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" gasped Leah. "NOW INTO THE BAT MOBILE YOU STUPID DOGS!" and everyone grumbled and got in the car. "I like this job," giggled Leah from the front seat as everyone buckled themselves in. "I like it a lot. OOH! I WANNA DRIVE!" and she shoved Paul out of the moving vehicle and took the wheel.

**In Front Of The Cullen's House…**

"Everyone, wait for a second," said Leah, as the screen on the Bat Mobile flashed the word, "LOITER." after a second it flashed the word, "INTIMIDATE," and everyone climbed out."

Outside of the Cullen's house was a group of groupies. "HEY!" shouted Mike Newton, who was one of them, "Why do you guys get to see the Cullens? What makes you so different from us?"

"I'M NOT WEARING HOCKEY PADS!" snapped Jacob, before going into the house.

"We've caught Aro!" greeted Carlisle, as the wolf pack walked in. "It was actually really easy, all we had to do was bake some cookies and he came running."

"Don't hurt me!" screamed Aro, "I COME IN PEACE, NOT IN PIECES!"

Quil walked over and slammed Aro's head against the table he was chained too.

"OW…" complained Aro, "Never start with the head, your victims get all fuzzy…"

Alice slapped Aro.

"Alice," said Esme kindly, "You have to ask a question first."

Alice turned back to Aro. "WHAT COLOR IS MY UNDERWEAR?" and then she slapped him again.

"Alice," said Carlisle, "No one could possibly answer that except you. And maybe…" everyone turned to look at Jasper.

"Oh God," moaned Edward, "Now I know too."

"AHEM." Said Sam.

"Oh right," said Carlisle.

"So," said Jared, "Where are you hiding the cure?"

"What cure?" said Aro, in confusion.

"The one you're hiding!" answered Jared.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Leah groaned. "If we're gonna play games," she said, "I'm gonna need some coffee."

"Oh." said Aro, "The old good cop bad cop routine."

"Not exactly."

"Listen," said Esme, "We just want to know what makes it so you don't burst into song like the rest of us."

"OH CONTRAIRE!" Aro screamed. "BUT I DO!"

And with that, the background music started.

"OMC!" screamed Embry, "THERE-"

"DON'T EVEN START!" Leah screamed back.

"Oh…/ I feel like I've been locked up tight/ For a century of lonely nights/ Waiting for someone/ To release me/ You're licking your lips and blowing kisses my way/ But that don't mean I'm gonna give it away/ Baby, baby, baby/ (baby, baby, baby)/ Oh whoa…/ My body's saying let's go/ Oh whoa…/ But my heart is saying no (no)/ If you wanna be with me, baby/ There's a price you pay/ I'm a genie in a bottle/ You gotta rub me the right way/ If you wanna be with me/ I can make your wish come true/ You gotta make a big impression/ I gotta like what you do/ I'm a genie in a bottle, baby/ Gotta rub me the right way, honey/ I'm a genie in a bottle, baby/ Come, come, come and let me out/"

"OH GOD!" moaned Emmett, "THIS IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!"

"MY EARS! THEY FEEL VIOLATED!" screamed Alice.

Edward ran to the window and prepared to jump out.

"From here, the height won't kill you," said Jared.

"I'm counting on that." said Edward, and he jumped.

" The music's playing and the lights' down low/ One more dance and then we're good to go/ Waiting for someone/ Who needs me/ Hormones racing at the speed of light/ But that don't mean it's gonna be tonight/ Baby, baby, baby/ (baby, baby, baby)/ Oh whoa…/ My body's saying let's go/ Oh whoa…/ But my heart is saying no (no)/ If you wanna be with me/ Baby, there's a price you pay/ I'm a genie in a bottle/ You gotta rub me the right way/ If you wanna be with me/ I can make your wish come true/ Come and set me free, baby/ And I'll be with you/"

"THIS IS TORTURE!" cried Sam.

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" cried Seth.

" I'm a genie in a bottle, baby/ Gotta rub me the right way, honey/ I'm a genie in a bottle, baby/ Come, come, come and let me out/ Oh whoa…/ My body's saying let's go/ Oh whoa…/ But my heart is saying no (no)/ If you wanna be with me, baby/ There's a price you pay/ I'm a genie in a bottle/ You gotta rub the right way/ If you wanna be with me/ I can make your wish come true/ You gotta make a big impression/ I gotta like what you do/ If you wanna be with me, baby/ There's a price you pay/ I'm a genie in a bottle / You gotta rub me the right way/ If you wanna be with me/ I can make your wish come true/ Come and set me free, baby/ And I'll be with you/ I'm a genie in a bottle, baby/ Come, come, come and let me out."

"Is it over?" asked Leah, who had covered her ears and closed her eyes.

"Yeah," said Jacob, "I think we're gonna live."

"It's okay Jasper." said Alice, trying to coax Jasper out of the fetal position.

"HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE HO HO HO!" laughed Aro.

"Emmett." said Rosalie in a deadly voice.

"Yes?"

"DON'T EVER THINK AGAIN!"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Hey," asked Alice, "Where's Aro?"

Everyone looked to see where he was but all they found was a note.

Riddle Me This,

Riddle Me That,

You've just been powned,

But I won't stay to chat.

Love and Kisses, and also Cookies,

Aro The Magnificent

"Humph." said Emmett, Heath Ledger as the Joker was way hotter than the Riddler."

"I guess." said Alice, "But Batman was hotter."

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" said Emmett, snapping his fingers in a Z formation. "HEATH LEDGER WAS THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE!" Emmett started to sob. "REST IN PEACE HEATH!"

"No," said Jasper, "Batman's definitely hottest."

"That doesn't bother you?" asked Quil in surprise. "That your boyfriend thinks Batman's hot too?"

Leah turned to look at him. "Dude. He's Batman."

"Point!" said Rosalie.

"Well…" said Seth, "Now that that's over…"

"MYTHICAL CREATURE DANCE PARTY!"

* * *

a/n: 40 reviews! OMC! I feel loved. So I made an extra long chapter! Only that was an accident. I went and saw The Dark Knight yesterday, (IMA SEE IT AGAIN TOMOROW!) and it is amazing and I quoted it alot in this chapter. So yeah. REVIEW! And tell me if you'd rather see Heath Ledger or Batman in the next chapter. One of them gets a cameo!


	9. In Which Batman is Mauled by Fangirls

**Disclamer: I don't own Batman, Twilight, Lilo and Stitch or Charlie's Angels.**

**Songs Used: Independant Woman- Destiny's Child**

**Back At Emily's House…**

"This movie is so awesome!" said Jared enthusiastically. "Charlie's Angels are like, BAM! In yo face!"

"Yeah." agreed Paul, "Too bad we got Leah instead of one of them."

"AHEM!"

"Oh god," said Embry, when he saw a very angry looking Leah and a very nervous Emily and Kim in the doorway.

"EXCUSE ME?" she snarled. "I COME BACK FROM AN HOUR LONG SHOPPING TRIP AND YOU GUYS START A SMACK TALK LEAH MEETING?"

"It's not like that!" said Sam, walking towards her. She hissed at him, so he turned to Emily.

"Don't look at me." she said. "We caught you red- handed."

"Yeah," said Kim. "You think were stupid enough to get involved in this?"

"Spare me Leah!" Quil screamed. "I WASN'T INVOLVED IN THIS! THINK OF CLAIRE!"

"It was all them!" screamed Jacob, bowing down in front of her. "I'D NEVER BETRAY YOU LIKE THIS!"

Leah was fuming. "You have 10 seconds." Leah said to Paul in a deadly voice. "Make your last requests, try to convince me not to hurt you, or run for it. You've got 10 seconds."

"Well," said Paul nervously, after noticing Kim and Emily were blocking the door, "You have to admit, THEY never have to be saved. THEY coulda handled that new born on there own." he turned to Jacob for support, but Jacob was looking pointedly away.

Everyone cowered, expecting Leah to throw a hissy fit. Or kill Paul, either or. But to everyone's surprise, the background music started.

"OMC!" screamed Embry, "TH- actually, never mind." he side glanced at Leah.

"Lucy Liu... with my girl, Drew... Cameron D. and Destiny/ Charlie's Angels/ Come on/ Uh uh uh!" cheered Kim.

"Question: Tell me what you think about me/ I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings/ Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely/ When it's all over please get up and leave/ Question: Tell me how you feel about this/ Try to control me boy you get dismissed/ Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills/ Always 50/50 in relationships!"

Leah: The shoes on my feet

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: The clothes I'm wearing

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: The rock I'm rockin'

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: 'Cause I depend on me/ If I wanted the watch you're wearin'

Emily and Kim: I'll buy it

Leah: The house I live in

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: The car I'm driving

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: I depend on me/ (I depend on me)/All the women who are independent/ Throw your hands up at me/ All the honeys who makin' money/ Throw your hands up at me/All the mommas who profit dollas/ Throw your hands up at me/ All the ladies who truly feel me/ Throw your hands up at me/

Emily: Girl I didn't know you could get down like that/ Charlie, how your Angels get down like that/ Girl I didn't know you could get down like that/ Charlie, how your Angels get down like that/

Leah: Tell me how you feel about this/ Do what I want live how I wanna live/ I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get/ Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent/ Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought/ Braggin' on that cash that he gave you is a front/ If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt/Depend on no one else to give you what you want/ The shoes on my feet

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: The clothes I'm wearing

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: The rock I'm rockin'

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: 'Cause I depend on me/ If I wanted the watch you're wearin'/

Emily and Kim: I'll buy it

Leah: The house I live in

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: The car I'm driving

Emily and Kim: I've bought it

Leah: I depend on me/ (I depend on me)/ All the women who are independent/ Throw your hands up at me/All the honeys who makin' money/Throw your hands up at me/All the mommas who profit dollas/Throw your hands up at me/All the ladies who truly feel me/Throw your hands up at me

Kim: Girl I didn't know you could get down like that/Charlie, how your Angels get down like that/Girl I didn't know you could get down like that/Charlie, how your Angels get down like that

Leah: Destiny's Child

Emily and Kim: Wassup?

Leah: You in the house?

Emily and Kim: Sure 'nuff

Leah: We'll break these people off Angel style

Emily and Kim: (Leah's gone all Beyonce in the background) Child of Destiny/Independent beauty/No one else takes care of me/Charlie's Angels

Leah: Whoa/All the women who are independent/Throw your hands up at me/All the honeys who makin' money/Throw your hands up at me/All the mommas who profit dollas/Throw your hands up at me/All the ladies who truly feel me/Throw your hands up at me/

Emily: Girl I didn't know you could get down like that/Charlie, how your Angels get down like that/"

"Oh snap!" said Kim, snapping her fingers in a Z Formation. "You guys just got burned!"

"Is there a snake in here?" asked Emily, "Cause I hear a DISSSSSSSSSS!"

Leah smiled. She turned to walk outside, and then let out a girly scream. "OMBM!" she screamed. Everyone ran to see what had happened.

And there, in the flesh, stood Batman! (a/n: you pick which one, the animated one, the comic book one, the Christian Bale one, which is the one I'm using…). At that point, all the girls and Brady swooned, and all the guys glowered and tried to look tougher than him.

"Can we help you?" asked Emily, sounding breathless.

"Umm, well…" he said, eyeing all the half-naked male werewolves, "I was chasing the joker and he led me here…but maybe I'll just leave…"

"OH MY GOD!" said Leah, and then she fainted.

"Are you okay?" asked Batman, rushing to her side.

"I am now," she said, with a very un-Leahish giggle.

"OH COME ON!" shouted Jacob in exasperation. "You have GOT to be kidding me."

"Yeah." said Quil, glaring, "what happened to all that 'independent woman' stuff you were saying earlier?"

"Well maybe you guys could just replace me with a Charlie's angel!" she snapped back.

"I think I'm just gonna leave…" said Batman, helping Leah to her feet.

There was a girly scream, and Aro came crashing down from the roof. Leah caught him.

"There you are, Leah of the Leashes!" said Aro thankfully. He pointed at Batman. "That man is trying to kill me! Beat him up!"

"Are you kidding me?" Leah asked. She turned to Batman. "This isn't the joker." she said with a sigh. "No, he's just the local nut case bent on destroying our sanity."

Batman sighed. "I see." he said. "Well back to Gotham then."

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" screamed Alice, bursting through the woods. She flung herself into Batman's arms, and Jasper followed shortly.

"We're your biggest fans!" he squealed.

"Ummm," Batman said awkwardly, "get off me."

"Okay," said Sam finally, rubbing his temples, "restrain them. Let the poor man go."

"Thank you!" said Jacob, pulling Leah off of Batman seeing as she had reattached herself. Seth grabbed Alice and Embry grabbed Jasper.

As batman jumped in his bat mobile and drove away, Alice burst into non- existent tears and slapped Seth. "I CAN'T BELIEVE HE GOT AWAY!"

"I KNOW!" wailed Jasper. "I COULD KILL MYSELF!"

"Are you going to cry too?" Jacob asked Leah nervously.

"No." she said. "But if I ever turn into a rabid fangirl like that again, hit me with a crowbar or something."

"Will do."

Aro was staring after the Batmobile, pointed at it, and jumped in place a few times. Then he clapped his hands and seemed to concentrate.

"WTF?" asked Jared.

"You've never seen Lilo and Stitch?" asked Aro, turning around. "WATCH IT! THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND!"

And then Aro jumped in the nearest car, (which happened to be Paul's) and attempted to mimic the Batmobile. He crashed into a tree.

"So what now?" asked Sam.

"We could all go watch Lilo and Stitch." suggested Jared. Everyone shrugged and walked into Emily's house.

Leah turned to Emily and Kim. "Wow," she said in awe, "You guys have got the best self control!" Then she bounced into the house.

After they were sure she was gone, Emily started to cry. "IF ONLY WE HADN'T BEEN IMPRINTED ON!"

"I KNOW!" wailed Kim. "THAT BIZNATCH DOES NOT KNOW HOW LUCKY SHE WAS!"

* * *

**A/N: So I was going through some of my older cds, which was the reason for this song and the last one, and I just had to do this song. When I first wrote it, Leah was actually in a mall starting a riot, but then I rewrote it cuz it was too much like a one-shot I wrote (which I will post eventually.) And you are all lucky I posted this today, because I was going to wait and milk you for reviews (insert evil laughter here) but I love you all so much that I decided to post it today. You know what you should do to repay me? REVIEW! Because reviews make for a happy me, and a happy me makes for an insane Aro. And we all want that, don't we?**


	10. Aro the Hobo

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, The Secret Life of The American Teenager, Batman, Mulan, or Disneyland.**

**Songs Used: Happy Working Song- Enchanted**

* * *

**Back With the Cullens…**

"WHO DID THIS?" screamed Esme at the top of her lungs.

Emmett walked forward. "Well it was Jasper's idea to start a cooking show in the kitchen…"

"JASPER!"

"IT'S ALICE'S FAULT!" Jasper screamed, pointing at Alice. "SHE NEVER TOLD ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN!"

"ALICE!"

"IT'S EDWARD'S FAULT!" hollered Alice. "IT WAS HIS IDEA!"

"EDWARD!"

"IT'S BELLA'S FAULT!" shouted Edward. "SHE'S THE ONE WHO WANTED COOKIES!"

"BELLA!"

"IT'S ARO'S FAULT!" wailed Bella. "HE'S THE ONE WHO STOLE MY MILK SO I COULDN'T BAKE COOKIES AT MY HOUSE!"

"ARO!"

Aro came crashing through the roof. "Yes Ma'am?" he saluted Esme.

She glared at him. "MY KITCHEN!"

Aro eyed the kitchen and let out a low whistle. He walked over to Esme and put his hand on her shoulder. "Let it out Esme. Just sing it out."

Esme took a deep breath as the background music started. "Come my little friends/ As we all sing a happy little working song/Merry little voices clear and strong/Come and roll your sleeves up/ So that we can pitch in/Cleaning crud up in the kitchen/ As we sing along/And you'll trill a cheery tune in the tub/ As we scrub a stubborn mildew stain/Lug a hairball from the shower drain/To the gay refrain/ Of a happy working song."

"Oh I know this song!" said Aro happily as he got a broom. "It's from Snow White right?"

"We'll keep singing without fail/ Otherwise we'd spoil it/Hosing down the garbage pail/ And scrubbing up the toilet/ Ooh!/ How we all enjoy letting loose with a little/ La-da-da-dum-dum/While we're emptying the vacuum/ It's such fun to hum/A happy working song/ Oo-ooh/A happy working song/"

Esme smiled at her children and Aro as the cleaned up her kitchen. She wandered into the living room. "Oh, how strange a place to be/Till Edward comes for me/ My heart is sighing/Still, as long as I am here/I guess a new experience/ Could be worth trying/Hey! Keep drying!"

"I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT!" screamed Edward from the kitchen.

"You could do a lot when you got/Such a happy little tune to hum/While you're sponging up the soapy scum/We adore each filthy chore/ That we determine/So friends even though you're vermin/We're a happy working song"

"WE'RE NOT VERMIN!" screamed Jasper.

"Singing as we fetch the detergent box/Or the smelly shirts and the stinky socks/Sing along/If you cannot sing then hum along/As we're finishing our happy working song!/ Ah...wasn't this fun?"

"No!" sniffed Bella. "If I wanted to clean someone's house I would have stayed home!"

"Then why didn't you?" asked Rosalie, appearing in the kitchen.

"THERE'S NO MILK IN MY HOUSE!" Bella burst into tears.

"Bella," said Jasper, exasperated, "There's no milk here either."

Aro looked stunned. "I didn't realize dairy products were so important to you."

"SHUT UP!"

"I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!" screamed Aro, his eye twitching, "THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED!"

"Wait Bella," said Alice, frowning, "I thought you were lactose intolerant."

"No," said Bella miserably, "That's Mike Newton."

"What?" screamed Aro. "EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!" and he ran through the wall, leaving a gaping hole in his wake.

"Why does he always do that?" asked Esme sadly. "The door isn't locked."

**Back at Mike Newton's House…**

"Oh Amy…" sniffed Mike, sitting in front of the TV, "DON'T MARRY BEN! RICKY CARES! DEEP DEEP DOWN!"

All of a sudden, Aro came bursting through the wall. "STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

"WHO ARE YOU?" screamed Mike in fear.

"YOU'RE WORST FEAR!" Aro said darkly. "I'M BATMAN!"

"What do you want from me?"

"YOUR FORCES ARE STRONG!" shouted Aro, falling to the floor. "YOU HAVE PROTECTED YOUR DAIRY WELL!"

"What?" asked Mike, "I'm lactose intolerant."

"I MUST RECRUIT THE STRONGEST, SCARIEST, TOUGHEST WARRIOR I KNOW!" and Aro ran out through his hole in the wall.

"The door wasn't locked!" screamed Mike at Aro's back.

**Back in La Push…**

"And then my dad told me that I could be president when I grew up." sniffed Leah. "He said he'd even run my campaign. "BUT NOW HE CAN'T CUZ HE'S DEAD!" and she broke down again.

"LEAH OF THE LEASHES!" screamed Aro, bursting through her wall. "I REQUIRE YOUR SERVI- Oh I'm sorry was I interrupting something?" He looked at Jacob and Leah sitting on her bed.

"Wait," said Leah in confusion, "How did you burst through my wall? I'm on the second floor."

"Well it wasn't easy," sighed Aro. "I had to buy a ladder, a grappling hook, several pounds of dynamite, and 37 packs of spearmint gum." he frowned. "Oh, and your neighbor might not be happy with the fact that I blew up their backyard."

Leah sighed. "MY DOOR WAS UNLOCKED YOU IDIOT!"

"Well," sighed Aro. "What fun would that have been?"

Seth burst into Leah's room (using the door like a normal person of course.) "Leah, I heard the dynamite and I-" he eyed Jacob. "When did you get here?"

"I can explain!" said Jacob nervously. "There's a perfectly good reason as to why I'm here."

"What are you doing?"

"Well," said Aro, concentrating, "by the looks of it, I'm pretty sure we're standing."

Leah rolled her eyes. "OKAY, EVERYONE OUT OF MY ROOM!"

"But Leah!" whined Jacob.

"But Leah!" screamed Aro.

"Okay peace." said Seth, walking out of his sister's room.

"SETH!" screamed Sue Clearwater. "WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?"

"LEAH SNUCK ARO AND JACOB INTO THE HOUSE!"

"OH, THAT'S NICE!" screamed back Sue. "ASK JAKE IF HE WANTS TO STAY FOR DINNER!"

"But not me?" sobbed Aro. "NOBODY LOVES ME!" and he jumped out the window sobbing. "I'll just go home!"

**Back at the Cullen's…**

"And that's what I did today." finished Aro.

"Aro," sighed Carlisle, "You know you don't live here right?"

"I DON'T?" Aro asked in horror.

"No." Carlisle rubbed his temples. "And I'm not a therapist. Why does everyone think I am?"

"YOUR NOT?" cried Alice from the living room. "EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!"

"Go home Aro."

"IM HOMELESS!" he sobbed. "I JUST REALIZED THIS!"

"Where have you been staying?" asked Carlisle in wonder.

**Back at Disneyland…**

"So I found these plans for World Domination in the back of the It's A Small World Ride." said guard number 1. "What should we do with em?"

Guard number 2 shrugged. "Burn them."

"What?" screamed Aro later that evening, "WHERE ARE MY PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION?

* * *

**a/n: So there's been a lot of Aro love lately! Which is funny, because originally Aro wasn't going to be in the story at all. Now I'm glad he is. And you know what makes for a loveable Aro? REVIEWS!**


	11. The Tale of the Clearwater Runaways

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...is that seriously all I used in this chapter? Cool! It's a new record! Oh wait, I don't own Chuck E. Cheese either.

**Songs Used: Eye Of the Tiger, Mad As Rabbits- Panic At The Disco**

**Back at the Clearwater's…**

"And that is why I think that we should get a pet parakeet," finished Seth.

Leah twitched and sat up. "Seth, most normal people don't present 3 hour sermons on why they should get a pet parakeet."

Sue Clearwater was rubbing her temples. "One child is a power-hungry tyrant, the other is a bird worshipping hippie…"

"SILENCE!" screamed Leah.

"Nobody understands my feelings!" wailed Seth. "FINE! I'LL JUST RUN AWAY!" and with that, he ran out the door into the night.

Sue sighed. "My little drama queen."

"WHAT?" screamed Leah, "I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR LITTLE DRAMA QUEEN!" she burst into tears. "FINE! I'LL JUST RUN AWAY!" and she followed Seth into the night.

Sue looked both directions. "Okay, they're gone!" she cried. "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" and the town elders came out and started dancing. (**a/n: If you didn't go to the werewolf or mythical creature dance party, you can go to the elders dance party, no invitation needed. Though you may want to wait for the next werewolf dance party instead…)**

**At Chuck E. Cheese's…**

"Oh, woe is me." sighed Leah, "I must go to the last place anyone will think to look for me!" She looked up to see a guy in a mouse suit.

"How may I help you?" he asked.

"Hmm…" she looked over at the menu. "How's the cheese pizza here?"

"I dunno, I'm lactose intolerant."

"MIKE NEWTON?" she gasped.

"THE ONE AND ONLY!" he said proudly.

Leah grinned prettily. "I've run away from home and having nowhere to stay." she sighed pitifully.

"NOT TO WORRY FAIR MAIDEN!" he shouted, still in the mouse costume. "I WILL SAVE YOU!" and he grabbed her arm and started dragging her to his house. He missed her evil grin from inside the mouse head.

**At Mike Newton's House…After 5 Minutes, A lot of Rope, And a couple of Rolls of Duct Tape…**

Leah laughed maniacally as she shoved the now roped and duct taped Mike into a closet. She sat on his bed. "Well that takes care of that." she said proudly. "Leah, you've done good."

Mike made noises of protest from the closet.

"SHUT UP!" she snarled.

**Back On the Streets…**

"Oh, woe is me." sighed Seth. "I have nowhere to go."

"FEAR NOT, FAIR MAIDEN, I WILL RESCUE YOU!" screamed Aro, hopping out of a nearby bush.

"Ummm…" said Seth awkwardly. "I'm not a girl."

"I know you are but what am I?" said Aro wisely. "Now, what brings you to my home?"

Seth looked around. "We're on the streets."

Aro smiled. "I know! Have you come to join the League of Hobos?"

"No." said Seth.

"Alright then young grasshopper," said Aro enthusiastically, ignoring Seth. "THEN I SHALL TEACH YOU IN THE WAYS OF THE NINJA!"

**A Montage To the Tune of Eye of the Tiger Later…**

"Are you ready for your first mission Young Grasshopper?" asked Aro seriously.

"Yes master." said Seth, putting on war paint.

"Your first mission is this: YOU MUST GET THE DAIRY PRODUCTS FROM MIKE NEWTON'S HOUSE!!" Aro said. "Now, what do you do first?"

Seth pondered this. "I get a diversion."

"GOOD!" said Aro. "Which is why we are outside of Jacob Black's house. We are going to kidnap him and use him as a diversion."

"Let's do this," said Seth. And then they burst though the wall.

"NOBODY MOVE!" shouted Aro.

"What?" asked Jacob, "Why did you burst through the wall? The door wasn't locked."

"SILENCE!" shouted Seth. Aro looked at him.

"Leave the tyrant commands to your sister."

Jacob looked at Seth. "SETH! There you are. The pack has been worrying about you. And Leah too." he looked hopeful. "Is she here too?"

"I SAID DON'T MOVE!" shouted Aro, and he jumped Jacob and tied him up.

"WTF?" asked Jacob after he was tied up. "Seth, why are you hanging out with this madman? Are you nuts?"

Seth laughed. "OH CONTRAIRE!" and the background music started.

Seth: Come save me from walking off a windowsill/ Or I'll sleep in the rain/ Don't you remember when I was a bird/ And you were a map?

Aro: Now he drags down miles in America/ Briefcase in hand/ The stove is creeping up his spine again/ Can't get enough trash

Both: He took the days for pageant/ Became as mad as rabbits/ With bushels of bad habits

Seth: Who could ask for anymore?/Yeah who could have more

Aro: His arms were the branches of a Christmas tree/ Preached the devil in the belfry

Seth: He checked in/ To learn his clothes had been thieved at the train station

Both: The rope hung his other branch/ And at the end was a dog called Bambi

Seth: Who was chewing on his parliaments

Both: When he tried to save the calendar business/ He tried to save the calendar business/ He took the days for pageant/ Became as mad as rabbits/ With bushels of bad habits

Aro: Who could ask for anymore/ Yeah who could have more?

Seth: The poor son of a humble chimney sweep/ Fell to a cheap crowd/ So stay asleep and put on that cursive type

Both: You know we live in a toy

Aro: You know that Paul Cates bought himself a trumpet from/ The salvation army/ But there ain't no sunshine in his song

Both: We must reinvent love/ Reinvent love/ Reinvent love/ He took the days for pageant/ Became as mad as rabbits/ With bushels of bad habits

Aro: Who could ask for anymore?

Seth: Yeah who could have more

Both: We must reinvent love/ Reinvent love/ Reinvent love

"What?" asked Jacob in confusion. "That makes no sense!"

"To the Newton's!" cheered Aro, grabbing the tied up Jacob.

"Yay!" cheered Seth.

**Back At the Newton's…**

"Hmmm…" pondered Leah. "The noises from the closet have stopped. Should I be worried?" Suddenly, Aro and Seth burst through the wall, carrying a roped up Jacob.

"WE ARE BACK FOR YOUR DAIRY NEW- Leah of the Leashes?" asked Aro in wonder.

Jacob looked angry. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"I tied up Mike and put him in the closet." Leah said, "So that I could use his house as headquarters for while I was away."

"MIKE?" asked Mike's parents from downstairs.

"HE'S A LITTLE TIED UP AT THE MOMENT!" Leah screamed out the door.

"OMC!" screamed Mike's mom happily, "HONEY THERE'S A GIRL UPSTAIRS!"

"FINALLY!" cheered his dad. "FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT…"

"DON'T WORY ABOUT HIM!" shouted down Seth.

"There's a boy too?" asked Mike's dad. "Should we be worried?"

"Let's pretend this never happened." his mom said wisely.

"Oh," said Jacob. "Well that's good."

"And why are you here?" asked Leah suspiciously, as if the distraction never happened.

"We're here for Mike's dairy products." said Seth happily.

Leah sighed. "There's no dairy here. Mike's lactose intolerant."

"RATS!" shouted Aro. "YOU'VE FOILED ME AGAIN LEAH OF THE LEASHES!" and he jumped out the window.

Jacob looked at Seth and Leah. "So what now?" he asked.

Leah shrugged. "Seth, if I get you a parakeet, will you go home?" she asked.

"Oh I don't want a parakeet anymore." said Seth. "I GOTS NINJA TRAINING!"

"Okay." she said. "Let's go home." and she picked up the tied up Jacob and the 3 of them walked home. Well, except Jacob, who was carried.

**That Night…**

"It's good to have you home kids." said Sue, hugging her children and Jacob.

"It's good to be home." said Leah.

"Yeah," said Seth, "It was hard being a hobo."

"But I can't help but think we forgot something," said Jacob.

**Back at the Newton's…**

"MMHMMPH!" mumbled Mike from the closet.

**Back at the Clearwater's…**

"Oh well." said Leah comfortingly. "I'm sure it wasn't important."

* * *

**a/n: So, in honor of my 10 (now 11) chapters, and my 75 reviews (75! OMC!) I'm letting you guys pick the songs for my 25th chapter extravaganza! A while away, I know, but my readers know I tend to update fast, so I want time for people to actually pick. Request as many songs as you like, just tell me who sings them. We (including I) wil pick the best of the best, and the will be used in said extravaganza! SO REVIEW! Especially if you'd rather be at a werewolf dance party then an elders dance party.**


	12. Aro's Quest For A Lover

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Invader Zim, Teletubbies, or T-Mobile (well I have it but I wish I didn't.)**

**Song Used: Here Without You- Push Play**

**Back in the Forest…**

"Edward!" shouted Emmett. "Get off your end quarters and help me cathch some irritable grizzly!"

"Oh sigh." sighed Edward.

"Geez Edward," said Rosalie, "You're starting to sound as emo as Jasper."

"I'm not emo!" said Jasper, "Only because Edward is."

"Oh moan." moaned Edward.

"What's wrong with you Edward?" asked Alice kindly. "I saw the future, and don't worry, Aro is going to stay far away from your teletubby collection."

"Oh, woe is me." said Edward. "I can not even stop being emo to hunt."

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "If you really wanted to stay in Forks, you'd hunt so that you don't kill anyone and we can stay."

"How can I not be emo?" said Edward. "I'm away from my girlfriend, I have no soul, and I shipped all of Alice's left shoes to Peru yesterday and told her it was Aro."

"WHAT?" screamed Alice, "AND TO THINK I PROTECTED YOUR TELETUBBIES FOR YOU!"

"Really Edward," said Esme, "leave the emo-ness to Jasper."

"Why does everyone think I'm emo?" wailed Jasper. "I HATE YOU ALL!" and he ran crying into the wild.

"I'm going to do it." said Edward, pulling out his phone, "I'm going to call Bella."

"Edward," said Emmett, "You need to give her space. You don't want her to feel trapped or think you don't trust her right?"

"Emmett," said Esme in wonder, "that was wise, and caring. What happened?"

"It's a sign of the apocalypse!" shouted Carlisle.

"No, it's not." said Rosalie. "Emmett, have you been reading teen magazines again?"

"NO!" shouted Emmett. "And Alice? The leather belt? So last season."

"LIES!" screamed Alice, her eye twitching, "MY BELT IS NOT LAST SEASON!" and she ran off screaming to the nearest mall, to spend thousands of dollars on belts.

"HO, HO, HO!" shouted Aro, dropping from the nearest tree, "MERRY CHRITMAS!"

"SANTA CLAUS!" screamed Emmett in joy. He turned to Rosalie. "I TOLD YOU HE WAS REAL!"

"THAT'S RIGHT CHILDREN!" cheered Aro, "BOW DOWN BEFORE SANTA!"

Emmett was about to bow down when Rosalie grabbed his arm. "Emmett, it's August. And for another thing, you can so tell that's Aro."

"SHE LIES EMMETT!" screamed Aro. "DON'T LISTEN TO HER!"

"Aro," said Carlisle, putting his hand on Aro's shoulder, what are you doing here?"

"I thought I wasn't allowed to hunt in your city," said Aro in confusion. "Isn't that right?"

"YES!" shouted Esme, "You're not allowed to hunt in our city."

"I see why you do this now, Carlisle." nodded Aro. "Irritable grizzly is quite tasty."

Amongst all the Christmas joy, Edward had called Bella and the background music had started.

"Hey," said Esme, "That sounds like background music!"

"Oh god," groaned Rosalie, "Please don't rap again Edward."

"Every time your eyes meet mine/ It gives me chills/ Up and down my spine/ And I can feel it through your fingertips/ And I'm sensing that it's mutual through your lips/ The first kiss by your front door/ You're all I wanted/ And so much more/ I promise you that I won't do wrong/ And if you just listen to my song/ You're more than beautiful/ And time is on your side/" sang Edward.

"AWW!" squealed Aro, "It's so sweet!"

"Wait," said Carlisle, you're singing to her over the phone?"

"They days pass by/ I wonder why/ You're not by my side/ I'm here without you/ Sleepless nights/ I try and try/ To figure out why/ I'm here without you/"

Rosalie smiled, then turned to glare at Emmett. "HOW COME YOU NEVER SING TO ME OVER THE PHONE?" she turned to Esme for backup.

"Sorry," said Esme with a shrug. "Carlisle sings to me."

"AM I COMPLETELY ALONE HERE?"

"Cuz ever since the first day we met/ A first date we can never forget/ Just us walking through the city streets/ Or holding hands in the theater seats/ It's just you and meSide by side/ Two was right to confide/ I promise you that I won't do wrong/ If you just listen to my song/ You're more than beautiful/And time is on your side/"

"THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!" screamed Emmett.

"The days pass by/ I wonder why/ You're not by my side/ I'm here without you/ Sleepless nights/ I try and try/ To figure out why/ I'm here without you/ Without you!"

Aro was weeping. "I NEED TO FIND A LOVER AND SING TO HER OVER THE PHONE!" he pulled out his phone.

"PUT HER ON SPEAKER PHONE!" screamed Esme eagerly.

"Umm…" said Charlie awkwardly. "That was beautiful…and I'm flattered…but I don't think Bella would be happy about this…"

Edward groaned. "WHERE'S BELLA?"

"She's out with her friends. Angela and them."

"Well could you pass that message to her please?"

"Yeah," said Charlie. "No problem."

"Thanks." Edward sighed and shut the phone.

"Hey," said Carlisle, "Where's Aro?"

**Somewhere in the Middle of an Open Clearing…**

"Curses!" cursed Aro. "T-Mobile doesn't get reception in the middle of the forest! So I had to leave! Oh well. Onto my quest to find a lover to sing to over the phone."

He pressed the one and waited.

"Hello?"

"You are my lover and I shall sing to you over the phone!" screamed Aro.

"Sorry," said Leah, "Jacob beat you to it."

"Oh," said Aro. "Sorry to interrupt."

Then he hung up and pressed 2.

"Hello?"

"YOU ARE MY LOVER AND I SHALL SING TO YOU OVER THE PHONE!"

Alec sighed. "Aro, this is Alec."

"Oh," said Aro. "Never mind then."

He hung up.

**Back With the Volturi…**

"My Aro senses are tingling!" screamed Jane in the middle of the night. "Heidi! She burst into Heidi's room. "Don't answer your phone!"

"Why not?" asked Heidi, holding her ringing phone.

"IT'S ARO! HE'S GOING TO SING TO YOU OVER THE PHONE!"

"Wait," said Alec, "Did you see him calling me too?"

"Yes," said Jane innocently.

"Why didn't you stop him?"

"It was funny."

**Back with Aro…**

"Well, I've called 3 people." said Aro. "And have yet to find a lover. Oh well." Aro turned to the readers and smiled. "MERRY PLATYPUS EVERYBODY!"

* * *

**a/n: I feel kinda bad for neglecting Alice and Jasper, and always forcing them to run off screaming, so next chapter will be about them. If you're actually kinda sorta following my pattern, I try to switch off between the Cullen's and the wolf pack, but Alice and Jasper have been unloved, so sorry if you were waiting for the wolf pack. Also, I'm still looking for songs for the 25th chapter extravaganza! So far, The choices are:**

**What You Got- Colby O'Donis (and I've decided to make this Sam Ft. Aro)**

**Girls Just Wanna Have Fun- Cindy Lauper/ Miley Cyrus (I like the original, sorry) to be sung by Emmett**

**In The End- Linkin Park (idk who'll sing this...it has to be someone in the wolf pack...suggestions?)**

**La La- Ashlee Simpson (idk again, I was thinking Jasper, maybe Alice, still open to suggestions though)**

**Loathing- Wicked (Jacob and Edward)**

**A Song in Japanese...I'm too lazy to go look at what it is... I'll put the name next chapter... (Bella)**

**Here In Your Arms- Hellogoodbye (Bella)**

**Monster Mash-(idk who sings this) (WEREWOLF DANCE PARTY! idk who will start it though)**

**Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson (Seth)**

**and I think that's all. So either vote for one of these or nominate another one...when I get more I'll put them up on my profile and not take up so much room. REVIEW! AND YOU WILL GET ARO DOWN YOUR CHIMMNEY INSTEAD OF SANTA!**


	13. Of Tea Parties and Therapy Sessions

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or Courage the Cowardly Dog, or the Flintstones.**

**Song Used: When the Day Met the Night- Panic at the Disco**

* * *

**Back With the Cullens…**

"God Jasper!" screamed Alice.

"YO MAMMA ALICE!" screamed back Jasper.

"MY MAMMA PUT ME IN A INSANE ASSYLUM!" Alice wailed, weeping non-existent tears. BUT WAIT! ONLY THEY WERE EXISTANT! LE GASP! But it's fun to say they weren't. "YOU NEVER RESPECTED THAT!"

"MY MAMMA SIGNED ME UP FOR THE WAR!" he shouted back. "SHE DIDN'T WANT ME TO LIVE!"

"Oh god," sighed Carlisle, "I hate it when they fight like this."

"I know." said Rosalie. "They bring a whole new definition to 'yo mamma.'"

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" screamed Emmett.

"NO!" screamed everyone.

"But this is a good one," he pouted. "I say we all go hunting before Alice and Jasper break out the steel cage."

"Yeah," said Edward, twitching, "No need to see that again."

"ONWAWRD!" screamed Esme, and they all left.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" screamed back Alice, as though they had never been interrupted. "CUZ YOU STARTED ROLLING WITH THAT WHORE MARIA!"

"GASP!" gasped Jasper.

"GASP!" gasped the readers. (Psst…that's your cue.)

"GASP!" gasped fan girl number 1, "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME JASPER!"

"GASP!" the author gasped, "Could this be foreshadowing? AND ALSO, ALICE, YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY WHORE, THIS IS RATED K!"

"THAT'S RIGHT!" screamed Alice, snapping her fingers in a X formation. "I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE AFFAIR! I SEE THE FUTURE BIZNATCH!"

"But wait," said Jasper in confusion, "Then how could you possibly have seen Maria? She was my past, not my future."

"UMMMM…" said Alice nervously. Then she slapped him. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CHEATED ON ME BEFORE YOU KNEW ME!"

"Ho, ho, ho!" shouted Aro, popping out of a hole on the ground that no one else noticed. "HAPPY EASTER!"

"Aro," said Alice in confusion. "Why are you wearing a bunny suit?"

"I DIDN'T SELL ALL YOUR STUFF ON EBAY!" he screamed. "THAT'S RIDICULOUS!"

"Okay…" said Jasper.

"DON'T TALK TO ME!" screamed Alice, and she turned her back.

**Back At Random Hunting Ground…**

"MY HOUSE SENSES ARE TINGLING!" screamed Esme. "THERE'S A HOLE IN MY FLOOR!"

"MY BUNNY SENSES ARE TINGLING!" screamed Emmett. "SOMEONE TOUCHED MY BUNNY COSTUME! AND IT WASN'T ROSALIE!"

"MY EBAY SENSES ARE TINGLING!" screamed Edward. "SOMEONE SOLD OUR STUFF ON EBAY!"

"Sigh," sighed Carlisle. "My caps lock senses are tingling. The author enjoys using caps lock."

"THIS SUCKS!" wailed Rosalie, "I DON'T HAVE ANY SENSES!"

"NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR NEEDS!" the Cullens screamed at her.

**Back At the Cullen's…**

"So, do we have a relationship problem?" said Aro. "I can give you couple therapy with my new certificate I got in my 2 week counselor online program." Aro smiled proudly. "I payed for it using your eBay profits."

Alice snarled at him. Aro looked hurt.

"See," he offered, "I even got a gold star!"

"OOOOH!" said Jasper, "IT'S SHINY!"

"Yes," said Aro, who now had on a fake beard and a bunny costume, "So what seems to be the problem?"

"Alice has issues with letting go." tattled Jasper. "And also, she's jealous that I had a love life before her."

Alice pointed at Jasper. "Jasper's a pimp and he hangs around with whores like Maria!"

Aro sighed and stroked his beard. "I think I need to tell you a story." he looked around. "But not here. The aura isn't right."

**Back at a La Push Bonfire…**

"And then the third wife…HEY!" screamed Old Quil as Aro pushed him off his chair.

"Sorry old man," said Aro, "There will be a different story tonight."

"Aro?" asked Leah. "What are you doing here?"

"LEAH OF THE LEASHES!" screamed Aro. "How are you darling? Have you lost weight? Well it was fabulous seeing you, we must do brunch sometime, call me girlfriend!"

"WTF?" asked Jared and Kim at the same time.

"Hey, he's a bloodsucker!" said Sam. "WE SHOULD KILL HIM LIKE IN THE STORY!" He turned to look at Leah, who was now wearing a creepy African mask.

"OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" she screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Sam like a girl, and he leaped into Emily's lap.

Leah took the mask off and smirked. "Stupid dog."

"OMC!" screamed Embry, "THERE'S BACKGROUND MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND!" he turned to Jared.

"Eh," said Jared. "I'm not feeling it."

"When the moon fell in love with the sun/ All was golden in the sky/ All was golden when the day met the night/" sang Aro, putting his hand on both Alice and Jasper's shoulders.

"When the sun found the moon/ She was drinking tea in a garden/ Under the green umbrella trees/ In the middle of summer/ When the moon found the sun/ He looked like he was barely hanging on/ But her eyes saved his life/ In the middle of summer (summer)…" Aro continued.

"Hey," said Alice in wonder, "That is kinda how it happened!"

"In the middle of summer/ All was golden in the sky/ All was golden when the day met the night/ Summer (summer)/ All was golden in the sky/ All was golden when the day met the night/ Summer, summer, summer, summer/ All was golden when the day met the night/"

"Isn't this song kind of repetitive?" asked Leah.

"SHH!" shushed Seth, "Where's your romance bone?"

"I'm pretty sure I don't have one."

"SHH!"

" So he said, "Would it be all right/ If we just sat and talked for a little while/ If in exchange for your time/ I give you this smile?"/ So she said, "That's okay/ As long as you can make a promise/ Not to break my little heart/ Or leave me all alone in the summer."/ Well he was just hanging around/ Then he fell in love/ And he didn't know how/ But he couldn't get out/ Just hanging around/ Then he fell in love/"

Jasper smiled at Alice and Jacob gagged.

"Shall we vomit?" Leah asked him.

"We shall."

"Don't make a mess," called Emily after them. "I just cleaned the toilet."

"YOU ARE RUINING THE MOMENT!" screamed Seth, stamping his foot.

" In the middle of summer/ All was golden in the sky/ All was golden when the day met the night/ Summer/ All was golden in the sky/ All was golden when the day met the night/ Summer, summer, summer, summer/ When the moon fell in love with the sun/ All was golden in the sky/ All was golden when the day met the night/ Summer, summer, summer, summer/ In the middle of summer,summer,summer, summer/ the middle of summer, summer, summer, summer/ the middle of summer, summer, summer, summer/ In the middle of../"

"That was beautiful." sighed Seth.

"Yeah." said Brady.

"You know what?" said Billy Black. "That was so beautiful, we're not even gonna kill you."

Paul snorted. "You only say that cuz you know Leah could come back and tell us otherwise and we'd do what she said."

"ITS NOT MY FAULT THE GIRL IS SCARY!" screamed Billy, twitching his eye.

"ITS NOT MY BAD PARENTING SKILLS, HONEST!" screamed Sue. "SHE GETS IT FROM HER FATHER!"

"Oh yeah?" challenged Quil. "Then how do you explain Seth?"

"HE USED TO GNAW ON THE CRIB BARS!" Sue wailed. "HE MAY HAVE LEAD POISONING!"

Aro looked at them all with joy. "YOU ALL NEED THERAPY!" he screamed. "WELL IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I…"

"SHUT UP!" they all shouted back,

Aro pouted. "Tea and scones?"

"Alright," said Old Quil, and they all went into Emily's house expecting her to slave over a hot stove and cook for them.

Jasper turned to Alice. "So what now?"

Alice looked thoughtful. "Well we have the house to ourselves…"

"Pillow fight?" asked Jasper.

Alice smiled evilly. "I'll go get the steel cage."

**Back Somewhere in Iowa…**

"YOU SEE EMMETT?" screamed Rosalie angrily. "THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO NEVER THINK!"

For the Cullen's were hopelessly lost.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" moaned Edward.

"OH SHUT UP!" screamed Carlisle. "GOD YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!"

* * *

**a/n: SO IM BACK! I've been kinda busy, but I found time to update today. Hopefully I'll update again soon. So what do you think? I gave you guys a cameo! And I couldn't resist doing the stupid dog thing. It was calling me. Oh, and I didn't mean to use Panic at the Disco again so soon...it was an accident...whoops. REVIEW!**


	14. 2 Ways To Santa Fe

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I seriously think that's the only thing I must disclaim. SWEET!**

**Songs Used: Santa Fe- Rent and Santa Fe- Newsies**

* * *

**Back At Emily's House…**

Dear Jacob, Seth, Sam, and Quil,

So you are probably wondering where we are. Well, I took Emily, Claire, Kim, and Rachael shopping, and Jared and Paul are so obsessed with their imprints they insisted on coming too, and then Jared challenged Embry to come if he was really man (a challenge Embry couldn't refuse.) Brady and Collin wanted to come for unknown (and uninvestigated) reasons, and that was everyone I could fit in my car so you four are the losers that don't have plans today. Sorry Jacob and Seth. And Quil. But Sam can suffer.

Pain, torture, and also leashes,

Leah

"Well this sucks." said Seth. "I've been dieing to go to the mall!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" moaned Sam."EEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Quil. "I HAVE TO PROTECT CLAIRE FROM THE EVILS OF THE MALL!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" groaned Jacob. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHOUT LEAH?"

"Dude," said Seth, raising an eyebrow, "Don't talk about my sister like that, I'm right here."

But the three of them were dieing on the floor.

"Hey look," said Seth, "There's a PS." everyone ignored him.

P.S.: Seth, do not let those three idiots do something stupid. Or I'll put all of you on the leash.

Seth shuddered. "OKAY GUYS, LETS DO SOMETHING FUN!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they moaned in unison.

Seth sighed as the background music started. "New York City."

Quil: Uh Huh

Seth: Center of the universe

Sam: Sing it girl

Seth: Times are shitty/ But I'm pretty sure they can't get worse

Jacob: I hear that

Seth: It's a comfort to know/ When you're singing the hit-the-road blues/ That anywhere else you could possibly go/ After New York would be ... a pleasure cruise

Sam: Now you're talking/ Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle/ And I'm sick of grading papers that I know/ And I'm shouting in my sleep/ I need a muzzle/ And all this misery pays no salary, so/ Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe/ Sunny Santa Fe would be nice/ We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe/ And leave this to the roaches and mice/ Oh-oh

Jacob, Quil, and Seth: Oh-oh-oh-oh

Seth: You teach?

Sam: Yeah - I teach - computer age philosophy/ But my students would rather watch TV

Seth: America

All: America!Sam: You're a sensitive aesthete/ Brush the sauce onto the meat/ You could make the menu sparkle with rhyme/ You could drum a gentle drum/ I could seat guests as they come/ Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!/ Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe/

Jacob, Seth, and Quil: Santa Fe

Sam: Our labors would reap financial gains

Jacob, Quil, and Seth: Gains, gains, gains

Sam: We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe/ And save from devastation our brains/

All: Save our brains/ We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away/ Devote ourselves to projects that sell/ We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe/ Forget this cold Bohemian hell/ Oh, Oh - Ohhhh, ohhhh, Ohhhh, ohhhh

Sam: Do you know the way to Santa Fe?/ You know, tumbleweeds ... prairie dogs …

All: Yeah

"Wait a second," said Jacob after a minute, "NONE OF US KNOW HOW TO COOK!"

"YEAH!" shouted Sam, "WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT SETH?"

"HE'S TRYING TO DISTRACT US!" screamed Quil. "GET HIM!"

"THERE'S NO LEAH TO PROTECT YOU HERE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Seth as they advanced on him, "I WANT TO LIVE!"

Aro sighed from outside the window.

"WAIT!" shouted Seth in fear. "LOOK, MORE BACKGROUND MUSIC!" the three stopped and listened. "Whoa, there really is more music."

Aro backed away from the window, looked pitiful, and started to sing. "So that's what they call a family/ Mudder, fadder, daughter, son/ Guess everything you heard about is true/"

"Wait," said Jacob from inside, "Who's the mother? And sister?" he looked around. "DIBS ON BROTHER!"

"DIBS ON FATHER!" screamed Sam.

"DIBS ON SISTER!" screamed Seth, in a scarily good impression of Leah.

"Oh well." said Quil with a shrug. "At least I got practice being a mom with Claire."

Aro ignored there shouts from inside the house, and continued to look pitiful. "So you ain't got any family/ Well, who said you needed one?/ Ain'tcha glad nobody's waiting up for you?/"

"IT'S SO SAD!" cried Seth. "I JUST WANNA GIVE HIM A HUG!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Sam. "LEAH WOULD NEVER BE SO WEAK!"

"When I dream on my own/ I'm alone, but I ain't lonely/ For a dreamer, night's the only time of day/ When the city's finally sleeping/ When my thoughts begin to stray/ And I'm on the train that bound for/ Santa Fe/"

"HEY!" shouted Jacob. "THAT'S OUR DREAM!"

"And I'm free/ Like the wind/ Like I'm gonna live forever/ It's a feeling time can never take away/ All I needs a few more dollars/ And I'm outta here to stay/ Dreams come true/ Yes they do/ In Santa Fe/"

"OMC!" squealed Emily as Leah pulled into the driveway, "THAT'S SO SAD! AND ADORABLE!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed back Leah, "YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT!"

Seth turned to smirk at Sam. "What did I tell ya?"

" Where does it say you've gotta live and die here?/ Where does it say a guy can't catch a break?/ Why should you only take what you're given?/ Why should you spend your whole life livin'/ Trapped where there ain't no future/ Even at seventeen/"

"You're not seventeen!" coughed Carlisle, who was wearing a hoody and sunglasses as a disguise. "Don't lie to yourself!"

"Breaking your back for someone else's sake/ If the life don't seem to suit ya/ How bout a change of scene?/ Far from the lousy headlines/ And the deadlines in between/"

"What are you talking about?" shouted Quil.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Brady, "IT'S THE CLIMAX OF THE SONG!"

"Santa Fe/ Are you there?/ Do you swear you won't forget me?/ If I found you would you let me come and stay?/ I ain't getting any younger/"

"AIN'T GETTIN ANY OLDER EITHER!" shouted Carlisle.

"And before my dying day/ I want space/ Not just air/ Let 'em laugh in my face, I don't care/ Save a place/ I'll be there/"

"I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY!" screamed Collin, as everyone climbed out of the car and stormed towards Emily's house, "YOU RUINED THE SONG!"

Aro looked at everyone sadly. " So that's what they call a family?/ Ain'tcha glad you ain't that way?/ Ain'tcha glad you got a dream called/ Santa Fe?/"

Everyone burst into applause.

"BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Sam shouted angrily. "NO ONE CLAPPED WHEN WE DREAMED ABOUT SANTA FE!"

"It's ok." said Emily, rubbing his back, "I'll bake you cookies."

"Okay." Sam sniffed. "Chocolate chip."

"OOH! COOKIES!" cheered Embry, and everyone rushed into the house.

Aro sighed. "Well, I guess it's time to go home now." and he started heading towards the Cullen's.

"WAIT!" cried Carlisle, chasing him into the sunset, "YOU DON'T LIVE THERE! ARO! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**a/n: Aww, wasn't that sweet? No, seriously. I'm on a roll today. Soooo. I'm curious, do you guys actually read/listen to the songs? Or do you just read the dialogue in between? I always wondered. These are songs I listen too...so I kinda sing them in my head...tell me in a REVIEW! REVIEWERS MAY GET A HOBO ARO! AND CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!**


	15. DONT THROW GOLDFISH AT ME PLEASE!

A/N: Okays, I hate doing this as much as yall hate me for doing it. I love yall, and WILL UPDATE (insert cheers here) because its break, and I now have a life again, since marching season is over and my boyfriend dumped me (*sigh*, not to worry, I'll torture him for it XD) and I'm NOT dead (srsly people?!) and alsooo…. I had something else important to say… hmm…. OH YES! I'm not Alex, person that keeps calling me Alex, and it really annoys me that people think someone else wrote this, (umm, if you check my profile, it says my name is WHITNEY. -_- (HI ERIN NICOLE!)

Love, Aro, and drillmasters (for all you marching band geeks like myself out there)

WHITNEY, aka junkyardspidermonkey.


	16. THE LOST EPISODE!

**DISCLAIMER: eh, im too lazy to think of a creative one. just pretend for christmas/ my bday (TOMMOROW!) that SM let me borrow the rights for a day (haha NOT)**

**Back At Toys-R-Us…**

"OOH! LOOK! BARBIES!" squealed Emmett as he made his way over to the counter.

"Emmett?" asked Aro, who was dressed like a mobster. "What brings you to my domain?"

"Aro?" Emmett said in confusion. "I thought you were homeless."

"IT'S AROFATHER!" shouted Aro.

"Yes, Arofather."

"Now, what brings you to my home?"

"We're in a toy store."

Aro twitched and slapped Emmett. "ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

Emmett pouted. "Rosalie kicked me out of the house."

Aro snorted. "So?"

"She says its punishment for thinking."

"LISTEN TO ME EMMETT!" said Aro, putting his hand on Emmett's shoulder. "WHO WEARS THE PANTS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?"

Emmett thought about this for a second. "Rosalie."

Aro groaned.

"She gets really mad sometimes." said Emmett sadly. "I think she wishes she let the grizzly get me."

"EMMETT! DON'T BE INSECURE! YOU NEED TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN!"

"You're right!" shouted Emmett.

"NOW GO GET YOUR WOMAN!"

"I CAN DO THIS!"

"YOU CAN DO IT!"

"AWAY I FLY!" and then Emmett put on a superman cape and ran out of the store.

Aro turned to an employee who was standing nearby. "He can't do it."

**Back At the Cullens…**

"ROSALIE!" shouted Emmett, flinging the door open.

"Emmett." groaned Rosalie, "I told you not to come back for 5 minutes!"

"I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU!"

Jasper and Alice walked down the stairs then.

"You Won't want to miss this," Alice was telling Jasper.

Jasper turned to Emmett. "Oh, did you get the milk Emmett?"

"What milk?" asked Emmett.

Jasper started sobbing. "GOD! ALL I ASK FOR AROUND HERE IS A PLACE TO REST MY HEAD, SOME IRRITABLE GRIZZLIES TO KILL, AND SOME MILK FOR MY LUCKY CHARMS! AND YOU GUYS CAN'T HANDLE IT!"

"Jasper," said Alice kindly. "You can't eat Lucky Charms."

"BUT THERE MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!"

"Okay." said Rosalie. "I'm just going to walk away."

"NO!" shouted Emmett. "I HAVE SOMETHING TO SING TO YOU!"

"Oh god." moaned Rosalie.

"You were right, Alice," said Jasper happily, "I DO WANT TO SEE THIS!"

"LETS GO!" said Emmet, and the background music started. "Don't want you for the weekend/ Don't want you for the night/ I'm only interested if I can have you for life/ I know I sound serious/ And baby I am/ You're a fine piece of real estate and I'm gonna get me some land/"

"Hey," said Jasper, "I KNOW THIS SONG!"

"So don't try to run/ Love can be fun/ There's no need to be alone when you find that someone/ I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight/ I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night/ You can bet by the time I say "go" you'll never say "no"/ I'm gonna getcha it's a matter of fact/ I'm gonna getcha don't you worry 'bout that/ You can bet your bottom dollar in time you're gonna be mine/ Just like I should, I'll getcha good/"

"Bottom dollar?" snorted Alice.

"DON'T MAKE FUN OF COUNTRY!" snarled Jasper. "THAT IS WHERE I WAS RAISED!"

"I've already planned it/ Here's how it's gonna be/ I'm gonna love you and you're gonna fall in love with me/"

"I thought Rosalie wore the pants in there relationship," said Alice curiously.

"IDK, my BFF Jill." said Jasper.

"So don't try to run/ Love can be fun/ There's no need to be alone when you find that someone/ I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight/ I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night/ You can bet by the time I say "go" you'll never say "no"/ I'm gonna getcha it's a matter of fact/ I'm gonna getcha don't you worry 'bout that/ You can bet your bottom dollar in time you're gonna be mine/Just like I should, I'll getcha good/"

"Isn't this song sung by a girl?" asked Jasper.

"DON'T BE SEXIST!" snarled Alice. "THAT IS WHERE I WAS RAISED!"

"Whoa," said Jasper, "Déjà vu."

"I'm gonna getcha baby/ I'm gonna knock on wood/ I'm gonna getcha somehow honey/ I'm gonna make it good/ yeah yeah yeah yeah/ So don't try to run/ Love can be fun/There's no need to be alone when you find that someone/ I'm gonna getcha it's a matter of fact/ I'm gonna getcha don't you worry 'bout that/ You can bet your bottom dollar in time you're gonna be mine/ Just like I should, I'll getcha good/" finished Emmett.

"WHOO!" cheered Alice and Jasper. Rosalie raised an eyebrow.

"Alright," she said. "What is it you want and how much will it cost me?"

Emmett put on his best puppy dog pout. "You know," he said. "I saw this awesome Barbie at Toys-R-Us today…"

"GURL!" shouted Jasper. "WHAT'S WITH THE YOUTH OF AMERICA BUYING BLONDE-BLUE EYED BARBIES? WHY DON'T THEY EVER WANT THE ASIAN ONES HUH? FIGHT THE POWER!"

"But Jasper," said Alice in confusion, "You're blonde and you used to have blue eyes."

Jasper started to cry. "WHY DOES EVERYONE DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ME CUZ I'M BLONDE?"

"Okay," said Rosalie after a moment, "Jasper, we know you're usually emo, but what's with the mood swings today?"

"YO MAMMA HAS MOOD SWINGS!"

"Oh god," groaned Rosalie. "Not this again."

"Hey," said Alice. "I'm having a vision." then she got an odd look on her face.

"Alice."

"Shh."

"But Alice-"

"SHH!"

"BUT ALICE!"

"WHAT!" she screamed. "ALL I ASK FOR AROUND HERE IS A PLACE TO REST MY HEAD, A COUPLE IRRITABLE GRIZZLIES TO KILL, AND SOME SILENCE WHEN I'M TRYING TO SEE THE FUTURE!" with that she ran screaming into her room.

Rosalie turned to Jasper. "I see why you picked her. You have a lot in common."

Jasper sighed. "Want to go get some lucky charms?"

"Sure why not?"

And so off they skipped into the kitchen.

"BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!"

"Oh, and Emmett, your 5 minutes are up."

* * *

**a/n: LA LA LA, i promised to update, and i totally thought i posted this chapter, but i didnt XD so, this is like, the forgotten chapter! next chapter will be (somebody knows the secret!) and it wil be amazing! im thinking of putting 2 songs in it though. the ball is on La Push again, and its about time we checked up on those crazy wolves... REVIEW! and tell me who youd rather have on christmas day, the wolf pack or the cullens.**


	17. CTSA CTSA

**Disclaimer: Oh yes, the best part of every story. I am not SM, nor have I stolen her identity *shifty eyes* no, I really haven't I promise :D**

**SONGS USED: I KISSED A GIRL! A PREZZY FOR CHOCOMEL26 WHO HAS REVIEWED FAITHFULLY AND IS MY INSPIRATION FOR I KISSED A GIRL**

**SONG USED LAST CHAPTER: I believe it was Gonna Get You Good by Shania Twain but I am too lazy to check.**

**I LOVE ALL MY FAITHFUL REVIEWER (YALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND IF YOU DON'T, THEN I SHALL THROW GOLDFISH AT YOU) and also Erin Nicole, who nags me to update everyday and makes me proud to be a crack writer :D I shall see you tommorow, friend.**

**AND NOW, ONTO THE STORY:**

* * *

**BACK AT THE CLEARWATERS! IN CAPS CUZ I FELT LIKE IT WHAT NOW!**

"AND SO I WAS ALL, CTSA, CTSA, AND HE WAS LIKE, COO COO CUCHOO!" said Seth excitedly.

"That's amazing Seth." said Leah.

"I know right!?"

"Did you get his number?" she said looking up from her computer.

"Wait, why would I get his number?"

"OH!" Leah said, turning red. "Nothing, just, you know, in case I wanted it or something…"

"LE GASP!" screamed Seth. "YOU THINK I'M GAY!"

"NOOO!" said Leah quickly. "But even if you are, that is O-KIZZLE."

"I'M STRAIGHT!"

"I know you are." she said reassuringly. "As the rainbow…"

"YOU'RE A MEANIE BO BEENIE BABY EATER!" screamed Seth, and he walked out.

Leah looked up to the roof. "WHY ARE YOU HATING ON ME TODAY, GODS?"

"SILLY YOUNGUN!" screamed Aro, crashing through the roof. He stood and struck a heroic pose.

"Any particular reason your dressed like the ancient Greeks?" Leah asked in confusion.

"I'M THE GODS SILLY!"

Leah rolled her eyes.

"So what's on your mind, Leah of the Leashes?"

"Well Sam just myspaced me…"

"And?"

"Everyone KNOWS Myspace is the new booty call."

"LEAH! I'M GOING TO TELL YOU A STORY."

"Ok." said Leah, curling into a ball.

"So once upon a time, there was a girl. She loved a boy, and he kept myspacing her."

"And what happened?"

"Then everyone turned into elephants, and then they all died."

Leah sighed. "Get out of here Aro."

"IMA FAILURE AT LIFE!" he screamed, and jumped out the window.

Leah sighed. "He kind of is a failure."

"OH LEAH! YOUR WORDS BURN LIKE THE TREES THAT HAVE CUTTED MY EYEBALLS!"

Leah sighed. "I should go looking for him. Poor Seth."

"YAY!" cried Aro from outside. "SEARCH PARTY!"

**Back with Seth… **

Seth shivered in the icy tundra that was the street in front of the Wal-mart 10 feet away from his house.

"OH SHIVER, ITS FREEZIN! OH THE COLDNESS!" wailed Seth.

"WHOA!" said Jessica coming out of Wal-mart. "You're buff."

He blinked. "Well, thank you." he raised an eyebrow. "I suppose. Comes from being a wo- A WONDERFUL EXCERCISER!"

Jessica wiggled her eyebrows in what she thought was a suggestive manner. "You are VERY welcome."

Seth twitched. "I'm underage. MY MOMMA SAID NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS!"

Jessica looked sad. "You're underage? Sad face. Oh wells, might at least give you a token for your troubles." and before Seth could run away, she planted a kiss on him and ran off into the night.

Seth's jaw dropped. "WHAT THE FRICK JUST HAPPENED?"

Leah and Aro (who was on a leash) gasped at the sight they had just beheld-ed. "DID HE JUST KISS A GIRL?"

And that was when the music started.

"This was never the way I planned/ Not my intention/ I got so brave drink in hand/ Lost my discretion/ It's not what/ I'm used too/ Just want to try you on/ I'm curious/ For you/ Caught my attention/"

"Wait," said Leah, "I didn't see him drink anything, did you?"

Aro shushed her. "The drink is invisible you fool!"

"I kissed a girl and I liked it/ The taste of her cherry chap stick/ I kissed a girl just to try it/ Hope my boyfriend don't mind it/ It felt so wrong/ It felt so right/ Don't mean I'm in love tonight/ I kissed a girl and I liked it/ I liked it/"

"BOYFRIEND!?" cried Leah. "I KNEW IT! EMBRY OWES ME FIVE BUCKS!"

"No I don't even know your name/ It doesn't matter/ You're my experimental game/ Just human nature/ It's not what/ Good girls do/ Not how they should behave/ My head gets/ So confused/ Hard to obey/"

"Girls?" asked Leah. "So he's not singing about himself?"

"Tsk, tsk." tsk-ed Aro. "Someone doesn't listen to Katy Perry."

"I kissed a girl and I liked it/ The taste of her cherry chap stick/ I kissed a girl just to try it/ Hope my boyfriend don't mind it/ It felt so wrong/ It felt so right/ Don't mean I'm in love tonight/ I kissed a girl and I liked it/ I liked it/ Us girls we are so magical/ Soft skin, red lips so kissable/ Hard to resist so touchable/ To good to, deny it/ Ain't no big deal its innocent/"

Leah nodded. "So true."

Aro snapped his fingers. "YOU KNOW IT GURRL!"

"I kissed a girl and I liked it/ The taste of her cherry chap stick/ I kissed a girl just to try it/ Hope my boyfriend don't mind it/ It felt so wrong/ It felt so right/ Don't mean I'm in love tonight/ I kissed a girl and I liked it/ I liked it/"

"YEAH!" cried Aro, "ENCORE! WHOOOOOOOOO! KATY PERRY IS THE PIMP SHIZZLE!"

Leah rolled her eyes. "Lets get you home, alright Seth? I'll tell the wolf pack to lay off."

"Yeah, sure." said Seth nodding. "I feel a skittles craving coming on."

"Skittles?" asked Leah. "What..?"

"THEY ARE MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!" cried Aro.

"NO, YOU CAN TASTE THE RAIBOW!" argued Seth.

"YOUR MOM CAN TASTE THE RAINBOW!" screamed back Aro.

"BREAK IT UP!" Leah snarled. "Now, MARCH!"

Aro pouted at her back as she turned to march Seth home. "Leah…"

"Yes Aro?" Leah said, turning to him.

"I have something to tell you…"

"It's not another elephant story is it?"

"I just lost the game…"

"DAMMIT ARO!"

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**A/N: AWW, YES. I haven't updated in awhile, and didn't come through on Christmas *hangs head* I'm sorry. I'm a little rusty, so the characters may seem OOC and the story may not be my best work, BUT I UPDATED! TIS A START! I think you should review and make me feel wonderful inside. and I also think that I should tell you all THAT YOU ARE AMAZING!!!! 200 REVIEWS, O DAMN! (hey, supposed to be G rated! .) so yeah :] AYE LUVS YOUZZZZ.**

**and now, A SNEAK PREVIEW OF THE NEXT INSTALLMENT! (hopefully up by next week... NAG ME NICOLE! D:)**

"THOSE WEREWOLFS WONT KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!" laughed Jasper.

"YOU KNOW IT! THERE GONNA BE BLOWN TO A PLACE WHERE THE BUBBLE WRAP DON'T POP AND THEY CAN'T FART PIXIE DUST!" agreed Emmett.

"YOU WANNA GO?!" said Jacob, puffing his chest out.

"RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW." said Jasper, snapping his fingers in a Z.

"BRING IT!" said Sam, popping his collar.

Aro looked scared. "It couldn't be... NO!"

"YES!" said Seth. "WEREWOLF/ VAMPIRE DANCE BATTLE."

**OHHH! AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!**


	18. SI, TIS AUTHORS NOTE NUMERO DOS!

A/N: AWW YES, THE INFAMOUS AUTHOR'S NOTE. Sooooo, before death comes to me, I'd like to say a few things. I have the new chapter of Le Musical up, and it shall probably be uploaded today or tommorowww, so yeah :] but before that, I wanted to say a few things :D mk.

FIRST: I've been getting requests to do songs that wouldn't really fit with this story. This is CRACK, dears, it's not meant to be heartfelt. HOWEVER, I would very much like to take your requests, so I've been thinking of putting up a story like this, but only made of requests, not really with an actual plots. I'd say like a collection of song-fics, but there not really song-fics are they? More like... singing- fics... and if I did this I'd do any character and try my hand at any pairing, hopefully this will help me grow as an author. So tell me if you like this idea or not!

SECOND: UMM, reviews make me happy? I am averaging out how many reviews I get per chapter right this second :P OH! And because I am bored (I can hear you all screaming, "WELL GO WORK ON THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!") I am going to attempt to reply to every review I have ever gotten, (umm, one day...?) so yeah. (14.1875 if you are wondering)

THIRD: Well, I really don't have a third, so yeah. PEACE!

Love, Randomosity, and Flags, Rifles, or Sabers, your choice,

Whitney

PS: I'm sorry if I made you lose the game in my last chapter. Or right now.


	19. Werewolf Dance Party? OH HELL NO

**DISCLAIMER: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M LOADED OFFA TWILIGHT TO YOU?! *sob***

**Song Used: Just Dance- Lady GaGa**

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Back at the Cullens…

"And then.." sniffed Aro, "then they told me I wasn't dance master of the universe!" he let out a small sob and buried his head in his hands.

Carlisle through his hands into the air. "WHAT THE FRICK! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU ARO?! I'M NOT A THERAPIST!"

Aro gasped. "Every-"

"YES, YES, I KNOW!" screamed Carlisle. "EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS A LIE!"

"YOU…YOU… YOUR MEAN!" sobbed Aro. He jumped off the couch and ran out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Carlisle put his head in his hands. "I'm so stressed…"

"Now, now dear." called Esme. "What did the self help books tell you to do?"

Carlisle sighed and stood up on one leg. "I'm a little tea pot…"

**Outside the Cullen's…**

"And then, out of nowhere, pixie dust fell, so I bowed down and screamed, 'IMA REINDEER…'" Emmett was telling Jasper.

"Hey," said Jasper, "I'm starting to feel really emo again…"

"Remember what the self-help books taught you." said Emmett kindly.

Sighing, Jasper lifted his leg. "I'm a little tea pot…"

"Hey guys…" sighed Aro, emo-ing over to them.

"Oh," said Emmett, "You can stop now Jasper, it's just Aro."

"HERE IS-" Jasper stopped and looked angry. "YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO STOP ME AT THE BEST PART OF THE SONG EMMETT!"

"Wtf…?" asked Aro.

"He get's really into it." said Emmett. "Last time he started break dancing."

"Hey Aro…" said Jasper, thinking very VERY hard, is something bothering you?"

"A little." sighed Aro. "You see, it all started when I was 500 years old... And I started taking ballet lessons…"

**Back at the Supermarket…**

"Can I help you guys?" asked an annoyed employee.

"No, we're good." said Jacob sweetly.

"You guys have been sitting here for 2 hours…" said the employee, "And you haven't done any shopping."

My good man," said Seth, putting his hand on the employee's shoulder, "we ALWAYS come here on Sunday."

"But it's Thursday!" cried the employee.

"Oh," said Sam, scratching his head. "We'll just leave then." And with that they 3 got up and walked out.

"So what now?" asked Seth.

"Let's go bug the Cullens!" said Jacob.

"HUZZAH!" they all cried, and they ventured over yonder forth.

**Back at the Cullen's…**

"Oh hellz no!" said Jasper. "They said you weren't dance master of the universe?"

"That really fries my potatoes." huffed Emmett. "THE NERVE."

"You know what this calls for?" asked Jasper.

"I THINK I DO BROTHER. I THINK I DO."

"HOLA CULLENS!" shouted Sam waving at them as the werewolfs walked up.

"THOSE WEREWOLFS WONT KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!" laughed Jasper.

"YOU KNOW IT! THERE GONNA BE BLOWN TO A PLACE WHERE THE BUBBLE WRAP DON'T POP AND THEY CAN'T FART PIXIE DUST!" agreed Emmett.

"YOU WANNA GO?!" said Jacob, puffing his chest out.

"RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW." said Jasper, snapping his fingers in a Z.

"BRING IT!" said Sam, popping his collar.

Aro looked scared. "It couldn't be... NO!"

"YES!" said Seth. "WEREWOLF/ VAMPIRE DANCE BATTLE."

And with that the background music started.

"I've had a little bit too much, much/ All of the people start to rush, start to rush by/ A dizzy twisted dance, can't find my drink, oh man/ Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone." Aro sang, watching Jacob and Jasper make there way onto the dance floor.

"What's going on on the floor?/ I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore/ Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?/ I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright."

Jasper started out doing the robot, and pointed at Jacob. "Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance/ Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance."

Jacob started river dancing, then called out Emmett. As Emmett made his way to the middle, he slapped Aro's back and said, "THIS IS ALL FOR YOU MAN!" "Wish I could shut my playboy mouth, oh oh oh-oh/ How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright/ Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say/ And we're all getting hosed tonight, oh oh oh-oh."

Jacob switched places with Sam then, who started break dancing while the werewolves clapped and cheered. "What's going on on the floor?/ I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore/ Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?/ I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright."

As Sam got up from his head spinning epic-ness, he pointed at Aro. Aro's jaw dropped as Jasper and Emmett pushed him onto the floor, in panic, he started doing pirouettes.

"Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance/ Dance, dance, just, j-j-just."

Jacob then pushed Seth onto the floor, who looked almost as panicked as Aro. "When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalog/ Can't believe my eyes, so many women without a flaw/ And I ain't gon' give it up, steady tryin' to pick it up like a car/ I'ma hit it, I'ma hit it and flex and do it until tomorr' yeah/Shawty I can see that you got so much energy/ The way you're twirlin' up them hips 'round and 'round/ And now there's no reason at all why you can't leave here with me/ In the meantime stay and let me watch you break it down."

"And dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-danceDance, dance, just, j-j-just dance/"

Suddenly, the werewolves and the vampires started doing that crazy thing from west side story. "Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic/Got my blueprint, it's symphonic/ Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic/ Got my blueprint electronic/ Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic/ Got my blueprint, it's symphonic/ Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic/ Got my blueprint electronic."

As they finished, Jake and Jasper made there way back into the middle of their circle, Jasper trying to out jazz- hand Jake. "Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle/ I got it, just stay close enough to get it/ Don't slow! Drive it, clean it, Lysol, bleed it/ Spend the last doughIn your pocko."

Emmett and Sam made there way into the circle ad Jacob and Jasper exited, Emmett doing a pop, lock, and drop.

"Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm."

Lastly, Aro and Seth returned, and started doing the hokey pokey. "Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm/ Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-danceDance, dance, just, j-j-just dance."

As the song ended, everyone struck a pose.

Breathing slightly heavily, Jasper smiled at the werewolves. "You know, you guys aren't half bad."

Jacob smiled proudly. "Leah makes us take dance lessons twice a week."

"Oh!" said Emmett. "You mean with that guy down the street? Yeah, me and Jasper go there sometimes."

"OMFG!" shouted Edward, running down from the house, "WAS THERE JUST AN EPIC DANCE BATTLE OUT HERE?!"

"Yeah," said Seth. "You totally missed it man."

"DAMMIT BELLA!" Edward screamed up to the heavens.

"Hey," said Bella walking up to the house. "Did I just hear my name being shouted up to the heavens?"

"Of course not." said Edward smoothly. "What's in the bag?"

Bella opened her grocery bag she had slung around her wrist. "I bought Jasper some milk."

"MILKY!" squealed Jasper, taking the bottle and going into the kitchen.

Edward shook his head. Gesturing to Jasper, he said sadly, "He can only drink blood."

"OMFG!" cried Alice, bursting through the door. "WAS THERE JUST AN EPIC DANCE BATTLE OUT HERE?!"

"Yeah," said Edward sadly. "We missed it."

Alice fell to her knees. "DAMMIT BELLA!" she screamed up to the heavens.

"WTF?!" sobbed Bella. "WHAT DID I DO?!"

"Of course not." said Alice smoothly.

"What-" said Rosalie, coming out of the house.

"We missed it." Alice told her.

"What?" asked Rosalie. "I was going to ask if we would rather have irritable grizzly or deer for dinner."

"Calm, people," said Jasper, walking out of the house in a state of passiveness. "Let us be calm, we have milk."

Everyone nodded as they agreed.

"Let us head inside and drink this elixir of calcium." said Jasper. So everyone made there way into the house. With that, Jasper turned to the audience and yelled, "DRINK MILK GROW TALL."

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**a/n: So, it's been a LITTLE longer than I anticipated. XD but it's up now, and hopefully you will all shower me with forgiveness :D yay! so umm, I have nothin to say. yeah. REVIEW! No preview this week, cuz I'm not sure what I want to do next, I'm thinkin something 3OH!3.**

**REVIEW AWARD OF THE WEEK: goes to CourtneyHale, who made me feel lovely by givin me an imaginary medal AND a yo mamma sized Aro :D I feel loved.**


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